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English

Slang

Usage

1st (first class degree) Geoff Hurst He managed a Geoff [Geoff Hurst was a soccer player who played for England 49 times - Thanks to L H Webber]

2:2 (lower second class degree)

Desmond Tutu

He’s got his Desmond [Thanks to John Curtis-Rouse]
3rd (third class degree) Douglas Hurd I got a Desmond but he only managed a Douglas [Thanks to Tim Herman]

All Dayer (all day drinking session)

Leo Sayer

Let's make it a Leo Sayer. [Thanks to Sean Gillespie]

All Dayer (all day drinking)

Gary Player

Let's make it a Gary Player [Thanks to J. Jeffreys]

Alone

Jack Jones

He went to the pub all Jack. [This doubtless comes from a Music Hall song sung, somewhere between 1900 and 1914, by the Cockney songster Gus Elen entitled " 'E dunno where 'e are". Gus is buried in Streatham Park Cemetery, London. I believe he died about 1944. The song is about a bloke, Jack Jones, who comes into a sum of money and thinks himself too good for his former mates:

"When he's up at Covint Gardin you can see 'im a standin' all alone, / Won't join in a quiet little Tommy Dodd (half-pint of beer), drinking Scotch and Soda on 'is own, / 'E 'as the cheek and impidence to call 'is muvver 'is Ma, / Since Jack Jones came into a little bit o' splosh, well 'e dunno where 'e are." - Thanks to Frank Haigh for the explanation of the source]

Alone

Pat Malone

I'm all pat tonight. [Thanks to Alan Little]

Alone

Todd Sloan

Looks like I'm on my Todd tonight. [Thanks to Jeff McCartney. - Frank Baynham reports that Todd Sloan was a famous jockey (I've found a listing for him at the Wikiup ranch in Northern California) who had a tendency to run at the front of the pack... all alone.]

Arm

Chalk Farm

He broke his chalk.
Army

Daft and Barmy

He was promoted in the daft. [Thanks to Alan Little]

Army

Kate Karney

He's off and joined the Kate.  [Kate Carney (1869-1950), a comedienne, was born into a music hall family in London. She made her first stage appearance at the Albert Music Hall, Canning Town, and later became famous for her cockney character songs. These songs established her at the top of the bill and she was described as 'The Cockney Queen'. - Thanks to Cab for the information on Kate]

Arse

April in Paris

I’m ‘aving terrible trouble with me April [How can such a simple word have so many convoluted references?  April in Paris - Aris (from Aristotle - bottle which is from bottle and glass - arse.)  Whew – Thanks to Peter Chrisp]

Arse

Aristotle=Bottle=Bottle and Glass=Arse; therefore, Aris=Arse

I gave him a good kick up the Aris [Thanks to Ray Davis.] See also bottle.

Arse

Bottle and Glass

I gave him a good kick up the bottle.

Arse

Khyber Pass

Stick it up your khyber.

Arse Rolf Harris She kicked him in the Rolf [Rolf Harris wrote "My Boomerang Won't Come Back".  See the reference above to Aristotle.  Thanks to Matt Fisher]
Arsehole Elephant & Castle He's a bit of an elephant [Thanks to Steve Fuller]

Arsehole

Jam Roll

That geezer is a right jam roll. [Thanks to Robert Lynch]

Arsehole

Merry Old Soul

‘e’s a bit of a merry old soul [Thanks to Sanor]

Aunt

Mrs. Chant

He didn't know what to get his Mrs. Chant for Christmas [Thanks to Alan Little]

Back Cadbury Snack Me cadbury's playing me up [Thanks to Pete Powis]

Back

Hammer and Tack

Ooh! Me 'ammer and tack's playing me up again. [Thanks to James]

Back

Hat Rack

He fell off the roof and broke his hat rack [Thanks to Martin Hillier]

Back Union Jack My old Union Jack's giving me gyp something chronic [Thanks to Ray Wells]

Bad

Sorry and Sad

That dinner was a bit sorry.

Balls (testicles)

Berlin Walls

Me pants are too tight and making me berlins wobbly [Thanks to Stephen Hartwig]

Balls (testicles)

Cobbler's Awls

Go on! Kick him in the cobblers! [Can also be used to express disbelief, such as "Cobblers! That's not the way it is."]

Balls (testicles) Coffee Stalls He gave him a kick in the corfies [Thanks to Rick Hardy - the pronunciation is reported to be corfie, not coffee]

Balls (testicles)

Niagara Falls

I got him in his niagara's [Thanks to Alan Little]

Balls (testicles)

Orchestra Stalls

He nearly got hit in the orchestra [Thanks to Alan Little]

Balls (testicles)

Royal Albert Hall

I kicked this geezer straight in the Royal Alberts [Thanks to Steve Smith]

Banana

Gertie Gitana

I like a gertie on my cereal [Possibly an old music hall star - Thanks to Christopher Webb.  Sue Lawrence adds: "Gertie Gitana was indeed a music hall performer. My mother, now ninety-two, spent her early life in Dalston and used to go and see her at the Hackney Empire.]

Bank

Armitage Shank

I’m off to the armitage [Armitage Shank is the maker of fine porcelain fixtures found in washrooms everywhere - Thanks to Ed Leveque.]

Bank

Cab Rank

I won't be long - just going to the cab rank [Thanks to Mike Smith]

Bank

Iron Tank

He lost his house to the iron.

Bank J. Arthur Rank Gotta get a cock & hen from the J Arthur [Thanks to Aaron Marchant]
Bank Sherman Tank He's off to the Sherman [Thanks to Iain Gordon]

Bank

Tommy Tank

I'm going 'round the tommy to pay in a gooses. [See also Wank - thanks to Christopher Webb]

Bar (pub)

Jack Tar

I'm off to the Jack. [See also 'Alone' and Bar (pub). Could be very confusing if you're going alone - "I'm off to the jack jack". Or, if you were telling your brother Jack, "I'm off to the jack jack, Jack"]

Bar (pub)

Near and Far

I saw him at the near.

Barber

Dover Harbour

I’m off to Dover to get me barnet sorted [Thanks to Mark Vernon]

Barking (mad)

Three stops down from Plaistow

He’s three stops down from Plaistow [from the London Underground District Line – thanks to Matthew Jackson]

Barrow

Cock Sparrow

He's wheeling his cock 'round the market. [Lenny notes that in the north this expression can also refer to a friend, as in "Hello me old cock sparrow"]

Bath

Steffi Graf

I’m just going for a steffi [Thanks to David Shea]

Bed

Uncle Ted

I'm off to Uncle Ted.

Beer

Pig's Ear

Can I buy you a pig?

Beers

Brittney Spears

'ow about a Brittney?" [Brittney Spears is a popular singer. Thanks to Ben Allen]

Believe

Adam and Eve

I don't Adam and Eve it! [Usually full slang expression is used]

Belly

Auntie Nellie

I punched him in the Auntie but he didn't even notice.

Belly

Derby Kelly

That's the stuff for you Derby Kell; makes you fit and it makes you well [From old cockney song Boiled Beef and Carrots - pronounced Darby. Thanks to Christopher Webb]

Belly New Delhi Look at the new delhi on him! [Thanks to Daniel Williams]

Bender (homosexual)

Leo Fender

That blokes a bit leo after all. [The late Leo Fender was the inventor of the Stratocaster guitar - thanks to Richard English]

Bent (criminal)

Stoke on Trent

'e's stoke he is. [Thanks to Alan Little. See also 'Bent (gay)']

Bent (homosexual) Behind with the Rent You're not behind with the rent? [Thanks to Gez who heard this in the film 'Layer Cake'
Bent (homosexual) Duke of Kent Bet you any money e's a duke [Thanks to Tom Hoyle]

Bent (homosexual)

Stoke on Trent

That bloke's a bit stoke [Thanks to Alex Wood. See also 'Bent (criminal)']

Best

Mae West

I'm Mae West at Cockney Rhyming Slang [Thanks to Kris Grissom]

Beverage

Edna Everage

Would you like an Edna? [Edna Everage (aka Dame Edna) is a star, darling! Thanks to Sue Cope.]

Bill (statement)

Beecham's Pill

I got my Beecham's from the tax people.

Bill (statement)

Jack and Jill

I'm going home - can I have my Jack? [See also Hill]

Bill (statement)

Jimmy Hill

Have we paid the Jimmy Hill yet? [Thanks to Magnus Spencer. Jimmy Hill is a football pundit and former player]

Bird

Richard the Third

Look what that bloody Richard's done to my car!

Bird (woman)

Lemon Curd

I’m off to see me lemon [Thanks to Jesse Wynne]

Bitter (beer)

Apple Fritter

I've tried that new apple but I prefer my salmon [Salmon and trout - stout].

Bitter (beer)

Gary Glitter

Give us a pint of gary [Thanks to Gareth Evans]

Bitter (beer)

Giggle and Titter

'ere. I could use a giggle. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]

Bitter (beer) Kitty Litter A pint of kitty litter please [Thanks to Mark]

Blind

Bacon Rind

Are you completely bacon? [Thanks to Damon]

Blonde

Magic Wand

I pulled a top magic wand last night [Thanks to Lee Henderson]

Boat

Nanny Goat

I took my nanny out on the river.

Bog (toilet) Kermit the Frog Sorry mate - where's the kermit [Thanks to Ray Wells]

Boil

Can of Oil

'e'd be nice looking once his canov's clear up. [Thanks to Marie Gordon]

Boil

Conan Doyle

'e's got a conan on his bottle the size of me fist! [Thanks to Marie Gordon.  John Mahony adds that very often the expression used is "Sir Arthur", as in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - He's got a Sir Arfur on his bushel]

Bollocks

Jackson Pollock

This modern art's a load of old Jacksons [Thanks to Justin Ellis. Pollock is a "20th Century strange artist".]

Bones

Tom Jones

Ooh, me toms are clicking [Thanks to Hefin Gill]

Book

Captain Hook

I've read this captain.

Book

Fish Hook

I've read the new fish by Deighton.

Boots

Daisy Roots

You can't go out in the rain without your daisies.

Booze Tom Cruise I need some Tom [Thanks to Christopher Loosemore]

Boozer (pub)

Battle Cruiser

I'm going to pop round the battle before I go to the party [Thanks to Peter Cotterell and Robert Manikiam]]

Boss

Joe Goss

Never trust a joe [Joe Goss was a talented boxer - Thanks to Sanor]

Boss

Pitch and Toss

My bloody pitch kept me late again.

Bottle

Aristotle

If you want milk, put the Ari on the doorstep. [Every now and again they throw a curve at you. One person has suggested that, not being familiar with Aristotle, early Cockney's might have assumed the name was Harry Stottle!  Heard from John Mahony who says that when one uses the expression "lose your bottle" it means to lose the contents of your arse, i.e. "he's shit it", but Ken Caleno says it means to lose your courage (from Courage's bottled beer)]

Bra

Tung Chee Hwa

I'm off to buy a tung for the troubles birthday [Admittedly this isn't in common usage - the person who submitted it is an ex-pat living in Hong Kong - I just think it's neat that we Brits will try to bugger up the language of every country we visit! Tung Chee Hwa is the Chief Executive of Hong Kong.]

Braces

Airs and Graces

He's got his new airs on.

Brandy

Fine and Dandy

A small drop of fine would suit me.

Bread

Uncle Fred

Hey, mum. Can I have some Uncle Fred with this?

Bread (money) Poppy Red Where's he stashed his poppy [Thanks to Emyr Marks]

Breast

East West

‘ave a look at her easts [Thanks to Sanor]

Broke (financial)

Hearts of Oak

I'm skint mate. Bleedin' hearts.

Brother

Manhole Cover

My manhole cover is coming for a visit. [How does manhole cover rhyme with brother you ask? Simple... if you pronounce brother as "bruvver"!]

Brother

One and t'other

'ere's me one and t'other now. [Thanks to Bernie Albert]

Brussel Sprout Doubt Without a brussel mate [Thanks to Chris Ducker]
Brussel Sprout Shout Give us a brussel when you're up to it.
Bug Steam Tug The bed was full of steamers [Thanks to Roger]

Bum

Kingdom Come

He just sat on his kingdom all day [Thanks to Alan Little]

Bunion

Spanish Onion

Oooh – ‘e’s stepped on me Spanish onion [Thanks to Kristin]

Bunk (bed)

Pineapple Chunk

I could use a couple of hours in the pineapple [Thanks to B. Hygate]

Burst (urinate)

Geoff Hurst

I'm dying for a Geoff. [Geoff Hurst's World Cup Final hat-trick v West Germany at Wembley in 1966 and six goals v Sunderland (19.10.68) two years later, have been woven into the fabric of football folklore. Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]

Bus So Say All Of Us hurry - here's the sosay [Thanks to Peter Duggan]

Butter

Stammer and Stutter

Extra stammer for me.

Butter

Talk and Mutter

Would you like some talk on your toast [Thanks to Barry Greenaway]

Cab (taxi) Flounder & Dab See if you can flag down a flounder [Thanks to Chris Webb]

Cab (taxi)

Sherbet Dab

'e's been on the sherbet for five years (driving a cab). [Thanks to John Butt]

Cab (taxi) Smash & Grab Let's look for a smash and grab [Thanks to Simon Inger]

Café (pronounced caff)

Riff Raff

I'm off to the riff raff [Thanks to Mike Leith]

Cake

Sexton Blake

'ow about a nice slice of sexton? [Possible that Sexton Blake was a detective in comic book stories (?) - thanks to Christopher Webb]

Candle

Harry Randall

Look at all the Harry's on his cake.

Cans (headphones)

Desperate Dans

'ere - put your desperates on [Thanks to Chris Hanley]

Car

Jam Jar

Bloody jam is down again.

Car

Kareem Abdul Jabbar

Bloody kareem is down again. [Kareem Abdul Jabbar is a basketball player in the U.S. How he got into rhyming slang I'll never know! Thanks to Richard English]

Cardy (cardigan)

Linda Lusardi

Oh my God – look at that awful Linda he’s wearing [Thanks to Richard Grieve]

Cash

Arthur Ashe

That blokes not short of Arthur [Thanks to Andrew Turner]

Cash

Bangers and Mash

I knew his cheques were dodgy, so I got him to pay me in bangers [Thanks to John Basquill - see also Sausage and Mash]

Cash

Crosby, Stills, Nash

That blokes not short of Crosby [Thanks to Andrew Turner]

Cash

Harry Nash

There’s a discount if you’re paying Harry Nash [Thanks to Phil Woodford – if anyone knows the origin of this I’d appreciate it]

Cash Oscar Asche Haven't got an Oscar [Oscar Asche (1871-1936) was an actor and producer or some renown.  Thanks to Ruth Summers]

Cash

Sausage and Mash

I haven't got a sausage. [A little bit different, but fairly common in many English-speaking countries - see also bangers and mash].

Cash Slap Dash I haven't any slap dash on me [Thanks to Anonymous]

Cell

Flowery Dell

I've got three more years in this flower.

Chair

Lion's Lair

Have a lion's while you wait.

Chalk

Duke of York

All I got for my birthday is a bit of duke.

Chancer (someone not qualified)

Bengal Lancer

News paper adds would state no bengal lancers when advertising for tradesmen. [Thanks to Ray Davis]

Change

Rifle Range

I haven’t got and rifle for the bus [Thanks to Claire Reed]

Chat

Bowler Hat

Let’s get together for a bowler [Thanks to Simon Bray-Stacey]

Cheek

Hide and Seek

He kissed me on my hide and seek [Thanks to Gillian White]

Cheese

John Cleese

I'm meeting the big John Cleese today at work [Thanks to Mitchell]

Cheese

Stand at Ease

Wouldn't mind a bit of ease. [For whatever reason this one is backwards - the only rule is that there are no rules!].

Cheque

Goose's Neck

He stuck me with a bouncing goose.

Cheque

Gregory Peck

I never 'ad any bread on me, so I 'ad to pay by Gregory. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell] or, [another example from Kevin McKerrell] - I'm going down to the iron to sausage a gregory.

Cheque Jeff Beck I'll send you a Jeff Beck [Thanks to Jimmy Horowitz]

Chest

Bird's Nest

I had to punch him in the bird's nest. [Thanks to Robert Lynch]

Chest

George Best

(In football) Over 'ere son, on me Georgie [Thanks to S. Sexton. George Best is a famous footballer]

Chest

Pants and Vest

This cough is killing me pants and vest 

Child Molester

Charlie Chester

Have you seen how young ‘is bird is?  He’s a right Charlie Chester [Thanks to Tim B]

Child Molester Uncle Fester He's a bit of an Uncle Fester [Thanks to Graham Taylor]

Chin

Biscuit Tin

He's got a big biscuit [Thanks to Keith Cole]

Chink (Chinese)

Rink-a-dink

We're going to get rinky take-away. [Thanks to Sparky James]

Chink (Chinese)

Tiddley Wink

‘e’s not from around these parts.  I think e’s a tiddley [Thanks to Stewart Stallworthy]

Chips

Jockey Whips

I'll have a large plate of jockey's [Thanks to Paul Aylett]

Chum

Fruit Gum

How yer doing, my old fruit [Thanks to Nick Williams]

Cider

Easy Rider

Pint of Easy Rider please [Thanks to Jo Miller]

Cider Sue Ryder Give us a pint of Sue, mate [Thanks to Graham Taylor - The Sue Ryder Foundation works for the sick and disabled]

Cider

Winona Ryder

Can I get two pints of winona please [Thanks to Tony Whelan]

Cigar

La-di-da

I enjoy a good la-di-da after me meal [Thanks to Sparky James.  Lenny wrote to say that Michael Caine (a somewhat well known Cockney) once asked if he could light up a lardy in his taxi.]

Clanger (mistake)

Coat Hanger

He dropped a coat [Thanks to Neil Devlin. A clanger is when you really put your foot in it.]

Class Bottle and Glass He don't have the bottle [Thanks to Rob O'Connor]

Clink (jail)

Kitchen Sink

After that last episode he'll be in the kitchen for a while [Thanks to Wendy Shaw]

Clock

Dickory Dock

What's the time on the dickory? [Paul Millington writes  that cabbies used the expression to refer to the meter [“What’s on the hickory then?)]

Clue

Danny LaRue

He ain't got a danny. [Thanks to Charly Large]

Clue Pot of Glue 'e hasn't got a pot of glue [Thanks to Martin Groves]

Clue

Scooby-Doo

I haven't got a scooby [Thanks to Jonathan Harris]

Clue

Vindaloo

He hasn’t got a bloody vinda [Thanks to Carla Forbes Pool]

Coat

Nanny Goat

Put your nannies on - it's taters out. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]

Coat

Weasel and Stoat

I left my weasel in the pub. [See also throat]

Cockney Rhyming Slang

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

We're talking about chitty chitty on this web site [Thanks to Hywel Jones]

Coffee

Everton Toffee

I’ll have an everton [Thanks to Andrew Mkandawire]

Cold

Potatoes in the Mould

Blimey – it’s taters out there [Thanks to Sparky James]

Cold

Potatoes in the mould

Cor, taters out there init? [Thanks to Ossie Mair]

Cook

Babbling Brook

My missus couldn't babble to save her life. [See also Crook]

Copper (police)

Grasshopper

He got nabbed by the grasshoppers.

Coppers (police)

Bottles and Stoppers

Blimey - I think the bottles are on to me!

Corner

Johnnie Horner

I'll meet you 'round the Johnnie.

Cough

Boris Karloff

That’s a nasty Boris you’ve got there mate [Thanks to Paul Liney]

Cough

Boris Karloff

That’s a nasty old boris you’ve got there son [Thanks to Paul Liney]

Cough

Darren Gough

This Darren is killing me pants and vest [Darren Gough is one heck of a cricketer.]

Crabs (pubic lice) Marble Slabs E's got a right case of marbles [Thanks to Chris Webb]

Crap

Macca

I'm off for a macca [Mark Crowe admits this ones a bit convoluted but apparently it's common in some areas so I've included it. Comes from Macaroni = pony; Pony & Trap = Crap]

Crap

Pony and Trap

'Ang on, mate. Just gotta 'ave a pony [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]. Or, another usage if something's a bit off (i.e.. not of good quality) - That's a bit pony mate! [Thanks to Jon Hughes]

Crash

Sausage and Mash

He was in a fearsome sausage.

Crime

Lemon Lime

Not one lemon reported all night [Thanks to Alan Little]

Cripple

Raspberry Ripple

The old boy's a raspberry [Thanks to Sparky James]

Crook

Babbling Brook

He's always on the babble. [Meaning he's always planning something crooked. See also Cook].

Cuddle

Mix and Muddle

Come and give us a nice mix and muddle [Thanks to Claire Reed]

C**t Berkshire Hunt He's a right berk.
C**t Ethan Hunt He's a right Ethan [Ethan Hunt is the main characters name in the Mission: Impossible movies.  Thanks to Steve Fuller]
C**t Grumble and Grunt He's after your grumble [Thanks to Chris Webb]
C**t Struggle and Grunt That ones a right struggle.

Cupboard

Mother Hubbard

There's nothing in the mother.

Curry

Ruby Murray

I'm going for a ruby. [Thanks to Mark Pearson][Ruby Murray was a singer in Glasgow back in the 30's or 40's - thanks to Peter Cotterell for the Ruby Murray info. N. Matthews tells me that Ruby was an Irish singer (1935-1996) popular in the mid to late 1950's.  Got a note from Sandy Everitt who knew Ruby Murray – Ruby was a top recording star in the 1950’s who achieved the rare feat of having five songs in the top 20 at one time.  Ruby died in 1996]

Curtains Richard Burtons Shut the Richards - I'm trying to get some kip [Thanks to Ray Wells]

Darlin'

Briney Marlin

You look lovely tonight, me old briney.

Daughter

Bricks and Mortar

I'm taking me bricks and mortar shopping. [Thanks to Geoff and Niki Sams]

Daughter Didn't oughta He brought his didn't oughta [Thanks to Chris Webb]
Daughter Lamb to the Slaughter That blokes lamb is a real stunner [Thanks to Peter Schlosser]

Dead

Brown Bread

I'm telling you, mate. He's brown bread [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]

Dead Hovis Bread Old Jim is hovis [Thanks to Jeremy Williams]

Deaf

Mutt and Jeff

Poor buggers mutt and jeff. [Usually full slang expression is used. Keith Turner reports that very often the expression is shortened to mutton as in "Poor buggers mutton".]

Decks (turntables)

Posh ‘n Becks

Have you got yer posh ‘n becks yet [Thanks to anonymous – see Sex - Posh ‘n Becks]

Dick (penis) Hampton Wick He got his hampton out in the pub last night [Thanks to David Agius.  John Parker adds:  The best use of this was the Goon Show which for a long time had a mythical character called Hugh Hampton where the Hugh was mispronounced as Huge. This running joke was totally missed by the BBC management, who would never have let anything like that on the radio in the 50s/60s.  Graham recalls that the characters name was actually Hugh Jampton - same end result.]

Dick (penis)

Three Card Trick

She couldn't keep her jazz bands off my three card trick [Thanks to Peter Norman]

Dictionary

Tom, Dick and Harry

I’ll just check the meaning in the tom [Thanks to Leon Walker]

Dinner

Jim Skinner

Is my Jim ready yet?

Dinner

Lilly and Skinner

What’s for lilly and skinner [Thanks to Jud Chimp]

Dinner

Michael Winner

I’m Hank Marvin.  I could use some top Jackie for me Michael Winner.  [Thanks to Simon Rowan.  Michael Winner is the food critic for the Sunday Times]

Doddle (easy or straight forward)

Glenn Hoddle

That jobs a Glen Hoddle. [Glenn Hoddle is the coach of the English football team replacing Terry Venables. Thanks to Dave Brown]

Dog

Cherry Hogg

My bloody cherry is off again.

Dole (welfare)

Ear’ole (Ear Hole)

If I get the tin tack I’m going on the ear’ole [Thanks to Paul Liney]

Dole (welfare)

Nat King Cole

I've got to sign on the old Nat King [Thanks to Hywel Jones. Ray Wells says it's also known as Old King Cole]

Dole (welfare)

Rock and Roll

'e hasn't worked a day in 'is life... 'e's always been on the rock and roll. [Thanks to Mark Moule]

Dole (welfare)

Sausage Roll

He ain't worked in years - he's on the sausage. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]

Dollar

Oxford Scholar

Stupid horse cost me an Oxford. [Pre-war the dollar was worth just less than 5 shillings, so an Oxford is worth 5 shillings or a crown - thanks to Jim Williams]

Door

Henry Moore

They broke the 'enry down at number thirty two [Thanks to Alan Little]

Dope (marijuana)

Bob Hope

I think he’s been smoking a bit of Bob Hope [Thanks to Phil Woodford]

Draft

George Raft

There's a bit of a george in here. [Thanks to Jim Battman]

Drink

Tiddley Wink

Just one more tiddley and I'm off; or, He's popped down to the pub for a tiddle.

Drugs

Persian Rugs

‘ere mate.  Got any Persians? [Thanks to David Rolph]

Drunk

Elephant's Trunk

He shouldn't be driving! He's bloody elephant's.

Dump (shit)

Camel's Hump

Just going for a quick camels [Thanks to Kevin Lowther who tells me this one was used in Abu Dhabi]

Dump (shit)

Donald Trump

I've got to go for a donald [Thanks to Peter Conway]

Dump (shit)

Forrest Gump

"Off out in 10 minutes?" "Yeah, just got to have a Forrest first". [Thanks to Richard English]

Dyke (Lesbian)

Magnus Pike

She looks like a right Magnus [Thanks to Steve Vincent - Magnus Pike was an 'off the wall' TV personality who would (and could) explain complex scientific concepts to kids]

Dyke (lesbian)

Raleigh Bike

She’s a right Raleigh [Thanks to Claire Reed]

Dyke (Lesbian)

Three Wheel Trike

She's a bit of a three wheeler [Thanks to Barry Smith.  Ray Wells has heard the expression rusy bike as well]

Early

Liz Hurley

‘e’s never gotten here liz [Thanks to Paul Woodford

Earner Bunsen Burner The jobs not much but it's a nice little bunsen [Thanks to Laurie Bamford]

Ears

Ten Speed Gears

Look at the size of 'is ten speeds [Thanks to Billy Wade]

Engineer

Ginger Beer

He knows his stuff. He is a ginger, after all.

Erection Standing Election He's holding a standing election in his callards [Thanks to Buddy]

Evening Post

Beans on Toast

Go and buy the beans on toast will you son [Thanks to Hefin Gill]

Eyes

Mince Pies

She got beatiful minces.

Fable

Railway Timetable

(After someone tells you a tall tale) What’s he been doin’?  Reading a railway table.  [Might also be substituted with bus timetable – Thanks to Paul Island]

Face

Boat Race

Nice legs, shame about the boat. [Also a good song by The Monks]

Face Cod & Plaice It's too cold outside; no good for my cod [Thanks to Mark Elston]

Face

Chevy Chase

She's got a lovely Chevy Chase [Thanks to Adrian Calvin and Paul Beer]

Face Jem Mace Wipe that look off your jem [Thanks to Chris Webb - Jem Mace was a boxer in the late 19th century]

Facts

Brass Tacks

'Ere, you've got your brass wrong! [Thanks to Alan Little]

Fag (cigarette)

Cough and Drag

I’m going out for a quick cough and drag [Thanks to Trevor Baker]

Fag (cigarette)

Harry Wragg

Have you got a harry? [Frank Baynham reports that Harry Wragg was a famous jockey]

Fag (cigarette)

Melvynn Bragg

Oi, mate. Can I scrounge a melvynn of you [Thanks to Mark Holmans who reports that Melvynn was a television host]

Fag (cigarette)

Oily Rag

Give us an oily. [Thanks to David Hughes]

Fag (cigarette)

Toe Rag / Tow Rag

Lend us a sprarsy - I wanna get some toe-rags [Thanks to Mike Smith. Mike says he thinks toe-rags refer to the rags people used to wrap around their feet when they didn't have shoes… we used to call our socks toe-rags which is probably the same origin. He also says his old dad used to call some people a toe-rag and suspects it might have been an insult (reference to fag = queer).] [Martin McKerrell adds that toe rag referred to a small time petty thief, in his words "the sort of dirty little toe rag who would live next door and break into your house and nick the Christmas presents".] [Gillian adds "term is commonly used, at least in Scotland, meaning just a bit stronger than "rascal" and probably spelled without the e: 'You little torag.' I always thought it did come from terms used to refer to travelling people."][And Michael Kendix adds:  I heard that "Toe rag" came from "Taureg" a nomadic people living in the Arabian desert, regarded by colonial powers as "low life's".  So, it would be insulting to refer to someone as a "Toe rag", which, as you say, could be used to describe a ne'er do well!  And Paul offers a somewhat disturbing image: In the times of Nelsons navy paper was too expensive to use in the head (toilet) and so sailors would get a short length of rope (toe) and unravel it until it resemble rags (toe-rag), this would then be used instead of paper and had the added benefit that t could be washed and re-used.]

Fake

Sexton Blake

He wears a Cartier but it's a sexton [Thanks to Martyn Tracy. See also 'Sexton Blake-cake']

Fanny

Auntie Annie

She’s just sitting at home on her Auntie Annie [Thanks to “the boys at CHS]

Fanny

Jack and Danny

She's just sitting at home on her Jack and Danny [Thanks to Glenn Collignon]

Farmer (see usage)

Arnold Palmer

'e's a right Arnold [Thanks to Nick Williams. I love this one - it refers to a golfer who spends a lot of time in the long grass around a course]

Farrahs (trousers)

Bow and Arrows

Nice pair of bow and arrows [Use your best Cockney accent here.  The reference is to Farrah slacks – Thanks to Simon Mahon]

Fart

D'Oyly Carte

Have you done a d’oyly? [D’Oyly Carte is a light opera company – thanks to David Poulten]

Fart

Horse and Cart

Have you just horse & carted? [Thanks to Paul Beer]

Fart

Orson (i.e. Horse ‘n Cart)

He’s dropped an orson [Thanks to Paul Gardner]

Fart

Raspberry Tart

He blew a raspberry. [Thanks to Tobias Bard]

Favour

Cheesy Quaver

Do us a cheesy, put it on your web site. [Thanks to Ed Wright]

Feel

Orange Peel

I fancy an orange of her Bristols! [Thanks to Chris Webb)

Feet Dogs Meat Me dogs are barking [Meaning my feet are tired.  Thanks to Sparky]

Feet

Plates of Meat

Get your plates of the table.

Fibs (lies)

Scott Gibbs

He’s been telling scotts again [Scott Gibbs is a rugby star – thanks to Hefin Gill]

Fight

Read and Write

He'd rather read than walk away.

Fine

Calvin Klein

I'm calvin today. [Thanks to Tony Alderton]

Fish

Lilian Gish

Good day at the stream. Got a pair of Lilian's.

Fist

Oliver Twist

Next thing I know he's got his Oliver in my face.

Fiver (£5 note)

Lady Godiva

Ere, that bloke still owes me lady! [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]

Fiver (£5 note) Taxi Driver 'ere - you owe me a taxi [Thanks to David]

Flares (wide bottom trousers)

Lionel Blaire

Got on his best lionels for the evening. [Lionel Blaire is a performer. Thanks to Josh Holmes]

Flash

Lemon Dash

Don’t act so lemon [Thanks to Simon Mahon]

Flash (natty)

Harry Dash

'e was alway a bit of an 'arry [Thanks to Sparky James]

Flowers

April Showers

I forgot it was my anniversary, so I picked some aprils on the way home.

Flying Squad

Sweeney Todd

Here comes the Sweeney [the Flying Squad are the police]

Fork

Duke of York

Keep your fingers out of your grub, man.  Use a duke [Thanks to Sparky James]

Function

Spaghetti Junction

 

Garage

Steve Claridge

I've just gotta go down the Steve for some petrol [Thanks to Jon Simmons. It helps if you realize that garage, which commonly rhymes with mirage in North America, more usually rhymes with carriage in Britain. A great Tony Hancock piece has him trying to act all condescending and pronouncing it the American way, confusing the ears off a local constable. Steve Claridge is a venerable striker, late of Leicester.]

Gargle (drunk)

Arthur Scargill

'e's right Authur'd [Thanks to John Claffey]

Gay (homosexual)

Bale of Hay

Don't bother Britany - he's bale. [Thanks to Uncle Custard who also provided the example of usage… just who do you suppose Britany is?]

Gay (homosexual)

Doctor Dre

E’s a bit of a doctor [Dr. Dre is a rap artist – Thanks to Will Sowden]

Gay (homosexual)

Finlay Quaye

That boozer is  Finlay ub [Thanks to Stuart Taylor –Finlay Quaye is a musician]

Gay (homosexual) First of May He's a right first [Thanks to Jeremy Williams]

Gay (homosexual)

Ted Ray

He's a bit Ted. [Ted Ray was an actor/comedian in the sixties. This association actually comes from a particularly bad movie "My Wife's Family" where he played a character called Jack Gay. Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]

Geezer

Fridge & Freezer

He’s a right fridge [Thanks to Tomma]

Geezer

Ice Cream Freezer

'e's not a bad old ice cream [Thanks to Vince Scott]

Geezer

Julius Caesar

'ere, look at the 'ampsteads on that Julius [Thanks to Dudley]

Geezer

Lemon Squeezer

I saw that lemon we met in the rub-a-dub last night [Thanks to Mark Foster]

Ghost

Pillar and Post

Looks like he’s seen a pillar [Thanks to Neil Gemmill]

Gin

Mother's Ruin

Another mothers would sit well.

Gin

Needle and Pin

I'll have a small needle and tonic.

Gin

Nose and Chin

I'll have a drop of nose and chin [Thanks to Philip Hart]

Gin Thick & Thin I enjoy a bit of thick and thin [Thanks to Beanage]

Gin

Vera Lynn

I'll have one more Vera before I hit the frog and toad. [Thanks to Mark Hamnett]

Girl

Cadbury Swirl

Come over here, me old Cadbury [Thanks to Jonathan Burroughs]

Girl

Twist and Twirl

She looks like a nice twist [Thanks to Alan Little]

Git (twit)

Strawberry Split

That bloke's a right strawberry [Thanks to Dennis Wise]

Gloves

Turtle Dove's

Where's me turtle dove's [Thanks to John Ioannou]

Go

Scapa Flow

Scapa! [Actually pronounced 'Scarper' - just one example of not being satisfied with the slang, they then mispronounce the word to thoroughly confuse everyone.  Robert Benoist sent me the following which I found interesting:  Scapa Floe was a Royal Naval base established in the 20th Century and famous for the scuttling of the German fleet in 1919 and a subsequent WW11 battle. Before 1919 it is doubtful whether anyone in the country let alone cockneys would have heard of it.

In Mayhew's London Labour and the London Poor (vol 3 1851) there is a chapter on Punch Talk (basically the slang language used by traveling Italian Punch and Judy men and entertainers). This slang contains both English and Italian roots. In Punch Talk "To get away quickly" e.g. from the police or authority is spoken and written as scarper. This comes from the Italian Scappare. Punch talk formed one of the roots of Polari which also incorporated rhyming slang and was used first by the east end street traders, and then the west end street traders, and finally by homosexuals in the 40's and 50's. There are almost as many Polari expressions currently used as there are rhyming slang. It is probable that after 1919 it was imagined that the word had originated in the rhyming slang after Scapa Floe but I think the evidence firmly points to its Italian Origins.]

Gob (mouth)

Gang and Mob

He's got a big gang [Thanks to Dave Connolly]

Good

Robin Hood

That sounds like it's robin [Thanks to Alan Little]

Gossip

Rex Mossop

What's the latest Rex, love? [Thanks to Rebecca Marks who tells me Rex is an Aussie sports commentator]

Grand (1000)

Bag of Sand

He owes me a bag [Thanks to Keith Cole]

Gravy

Army and Navy

Can I have some army for my mashed?

Greek

Bubble and Squeak

'E's not a bad bloke for a bubble. [Bubble and squeak is a uniquely British dish of fried mashed potatoes and something green (usually cabbage, but left over brussel sprouts work well).  Thanks to Mark Pearson]

Guts (stomach)

Newington Butts

Me Newingtons are playing me up. [Thanks to Mark Crowe and Martin McKerrell - Michael Faraday (the magnet fellow) born in Newington Butts, the area of London now known as the Elephant and Castle]

Gutter

Bread and Butter

Found him laying in the bread and butter. [Usually full slang expression is used]

Gym

Fatboy Slim

I’m going down to the fatboy [Fatboy Slim is a recording artist – thanks to Martin Rowe]

Haddock

Fanny Craddock

Fanny and chips for supper? [Thanks to Sparky James]

Hair

Barnet Fair

She must be going out - she's got her Barnet done.

Hair

Biffo the Bear

Me biffo’s not looking the best today [Biffo the Bear was on the cover of Beano from 1948 to 1974.  Thanks to Gillian White]

Hair

Bonney Fair

She's got beautiful shiny bonney.

Half (a pint)

Cow and Calf

I could use a cow and calf [Thanks to Nick Williams. He reports that there's a pub in Grenoside (near Sheffield) called the Cow and Calf]

Hand

St. Martins-Le-Grand

I had it in my St. Martins a minute ago [Thanks to Alan Little]

Hands

German Bands

Get your germans off my missus.

Hands

Jazz Bands

Get yer jazz bands off me [Thanks to Peter Norman]

Hat

Titfer (Tit for Tat)

Lovely titfer. [This one uses the first two words - probably because saying "lovely tit" proved awkward]

Head

Crust of Bread

Use your crust mate.

Head

Loaf of Bread

Don't just stand there - use your loaf.

Head (fellatio)

Blood Red

She likes to give blood. [Thanks to Kirk Whitworth]

Heart Strawberry Tart Me strawberry belongs to you [Thanks to John Curnow]

Hell

Gypsy Nell

My knee is giving me gyp today. [Thanks to Chris Webb]

Hemorrhoid

Clement Freud

Oooh, me clements! [Thanks to Ian Coppell]

Hemorrhoids

Emma Freuds

Me Emma's are playing me up. [Emma is a BBC DJ on Radio 1 - Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]

Heroin

Vera Lynn

Goodbye Vera Lynn [from Pink Floyd – “Goodbye Vera Lynn

I'm leaving you today" meaning I’m giving up heroin, written at that time for Gilmore.  Thanks to Joe Lovick for the slang and the references]

Hill

Jack and Jill

The store is up the jack. [See also Bill]

Hole

Drum Roll

Let's pop 'round to my drum (referring to someone's house). [Thanks to Dave Hughes]

Home

Pope in Rome

Let's pop 'round his pope and fetch him.

Host

Pillar and Post

Who’s the pillar and post for tonight? [Thanks to Dave]

Hot

Peas in a Pot

Don't touch that - it's bloody peasy.

House

Cat and Mouse

Went 'round to his cat to wake him up.

House

Mickey Mouse

I'm taking my missus to the mickey tonight. [Usually means a theatre rather than a residence]

Howler (mistake)

Robbie Fowler

I made a right Robbie yesterday [Thanks to John Revell – Robbie Fowler  plays for Liverpool]

Hymen

Bill Wyman

Virgin?  Don’t think so mate – not a bill in sight [Thanks to Benjamin Smith.  Bill Wyman is, of course, with the Rolling Stones and Benjamin reports he had a bit of a penchant for the younger cadburys]

Ice Blind Mice I'll have a Gold and Blind [Thanks to John Gibson]
Jacket Desmond Hackett He's sporting a new Desmond [Thanks to Chris Webb - Mr. Hackett is a renowned Daily Express sports reporter]

Jacket

Tennis Racquet

I bought a new tennis racquet [Thanks to Laura Clifford]

Jail

Bucket and Pail

One drink too many and I get seven days in the bucket.

Jail

Ginger Ale

'e's doing time in the ginger. [Thanks to Wendy Shaw]

Jeans Harpers and Queens He's sporting a new pair of harpers [Thanks to Neale Davison.  Harpers and Queen is a woman's magazine "Published in London for the World"]

Jeans

Runner Beans

How do you like me new runners [Thanks to Darren Foreman]

Jeans

Steve McQueens

Me new steves are a bit tight [Thanks to Mark Holmans]

Jew

Five to Two

If you're a fiver then today's your Sabbath.

Jew

Four by Two

He's not from around here - he's a four.

Jewellery

Tom Foolery

That bloke looks a flash, look at all his tom. [Thank the Peter Cotterell]

Jive

Duck and Dive

She can’t half duck and dive [Thanks to Podster]

Job

Corn on the Cob

'e can't afford it - 'e ain't got a corn [Thanks to Mike Smith]

Job

Dog's Knob

Me new motor is just the dog's knob [Thanks to Nick Williams]

Jock (Scot)

Sweaty Sock

There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a sweaty on a boat... [This term is usually derogatory. Thanks to Dave Brown]

Joke

Rum and Coke

Go on then, tell us another rum and coke [Thanks to Martin Hillier]

Joker Double Yoker Who's this double yoker [Thanks to Joel Glover]

Judge

Barnaby Rudge

I'm up in front of the Barnaby tomorrow morning.

Jugs (breasts)

Carpets and Rugs

That girls has a lovely set of carpets [Thanks to Benjamin Smith]

Kebab (shish kebab) Phil Babb Bloody hell, boys, I'm proper Oliver'd - anyone fancy a Phil? [Thanks to John Loveday]
Keen Torvill and Dean She's a bit torvill on my mate Barry [Thanks to Darryl Middleton]
Kettle Hansel & Gretel I put the Hansel on for a nice cup of Rosy [Thanks to Peter Robinson]

Key

Brenda Lee

Where’s me brenda’s? [Thanks to Nick Webster]

Key Vivian Lee Where's me Vivian? [Thanks to John Kitley]

Keys

Bruce Lee’s

Have you seen me brucies? [Thanks to Graham Cooper]

Keys

John Cleese

‘ave you seen me johns [Thanks to Mathew]

Keys

Knobbly Knees

Have you got your knobblies with you? [Thanks to Beeman]

Kidney

Bo Diddley

Me bo’s are giving me gyp [Thanks to Jay]

Kids

Dustbin Lids

A nice girl but too many dustbin's.

Kids

God Forbids

Couldn't hear a thing 'cause of all the Godfor's.

Kids

Saucepan Lids

I'm forever buy clothes for the saucepan lids [Thanks to Peter Cotterell - see also 'Yid']

Kids

Teapot Lids

I'm taking my little teapot to country.

Kids

Tin Lids

I can't put me foot down without stepping on one of the tin lids. [Thanks to Bernie Albert]

Kiss

Heavenly Bliss

C’mon me turtle, give us an ‘eavenly [Thanks to Rebecca Coonan]

Kiss

Hit and Miss

How about a bit of hit and miss [Thanks to Doosh]

Knackered (tired)

Cream Crackered

I'm cream crackered, mate. [Thanks to David Carruthers]

Knackered (tired)

Kerry Packer

I'm right Kerry'd [Thanks to David Bennett - Kerry Packer is an Australian media magnate (and bleeding rich!)]

Knackers (testicles)

Jacobs Crackers

That toe-rag kicked me in the Jacobs [Thanks to Bryan Rayner]

Knees

Biscuits and Cheese

I've been on my biscuits all day.

Knickers

Alan Whickers

The 'lastics gone in me alans. [Alan Whicker used to host a TV programme called Whickers World - Thanks to Peter Cotterell]

Knob (penis)

Uncle Bob

‘e’s a bit proud of his Uncle Bob [Thanks to “the boys at CHS”]

Kraut (German)

Rainbow Trout

Bloody rainbows beat us at football last night! [Thanks to Alex Gordon]

Lager

Forsythe Saga

Mines a forsythe [Thanks to Den Frankham]

Lager

Mick Jagger

How about a couple of Mick Jaggers over here? [Thanks to Colin Reid]

Lark (fun)

Tufnell Park

Always one for a tufnell [Thanks to Michael Mundy]

Late

Cilla Black

You’re a bit Cilla today, mate [Thanks to Justyn Olby who explains that this comes from Cilla Black’s Blind Date TV programme that was popular]

Late

Terry Waite

You’re a bit Terry Waite [Thanks to Paul Woodford]

Later

Baked Potato

I'll see ya baked. [Thanks to Eric Van Zanten]

Later

Christian Slater

See you Christian Slater [Thanks to Kris Grissom]

Laugh

Bubble Bath

You're 'avin a bubble aren't ya? [Thanks to Neil Churchard]

Laugh

Cows Calf

Your having a cows calf, ain't you [Thanks to Graham Todd]

Laugh

Giraffe

You're havin' a giraffe, mate. [Thanks to Ed Balch]

Laugh

Steffi Graf

You're having a Steffi [Thanks to Peter Grewal]

Laugh

Turkish Bath

He's havin' a turkish. [Thanks to Chris Baylis]

Laugh

Wally's Scarf

He's having a wally [Thanks to Keith Cole]

Legs

Bacon and Eggs

Lovely set of bacons [James Robinson notes that this can be Ham & Eggs as well].

Legs Dolly Pegs 'ave a butchers at the dollies on 'er [This comes from the old style wooden clothes pegs that little girls used to draw faces on and make little dresses and hats/hair for, hence the dolly peg. Thanks to Simon]

Legs

Mumbley Pegs

Stand on your own mumbleys [Thanks to Sanor]

Legs

Nutmegs

He was nutmegged [this is a common football term for when the ball is kicked between an opponents legs and then the other player runs around to get control of the ball again – thanks to Allen Keep]

Legs Pins and Pegs I was so surprised I nearly fell off me pins [Thanks to Sparky James]

Legs

Scotch Pegs

Sit down and take a load off your pegs. [For whatever reason, the common usage is the rhyming word rather than the first]

Leicester Square

Euan Blair

We're getting off the train at Euan Blair station [Thanks to Vix.  Mark points out that Euan Blair (Prime minister's underage son) was found drunk by police in Leicester Square earlier this year.  Hence the slang.]

Lesbian

West End Thespian

She's a lovely girl but she is west end, you know. [Thanks to Richard English]

Liar

Bob Cryer

Shut up you Bob - yer talking out yer aris [Sergeant Bob Cryer is a character in "The Bill". Thanks to Kelly Webb]

Liar

Dunlop Tyre

‘e’s a bit of a dunlop [Thanks to Donald Burk]

Liar

Holy Friar

‘e’s a bit of a holy friar [Thanks to Donald Burk]

Lies

Pork Pies

Blimey - he gets two pigs (beers) in him and he starts telling porkies.

Life Nelly Duff Not on your nelly, mate.  [The expression 'not on your nelly', meaning 'not on your life' (meaning that the person would never do something), is from Nelly Duff which rhymes with puff which means breath which is another way of saying life...  convoluted little devil, isn't it?  From everything I researched it would seem Nelly Duff was a fictional character but this is not certain.  Thanks to Cathleen Kelly]

Life (term)

Porridge Knife

'e's doing a stay in the porridge. [Thanks to Alan Morgan]

Liver

Cheerful Giver

Lovely - cheerful for dinner tonight. [Mike King has written to say that he that the slang for liver comes from "The Lord loves a cheerful giver", which was then shortened to Lord... Lovely - we're have the Lord for dinner tonight.]

Liver

Swanee River

We're having swanee for dinner again? [Thanks to John Gibson who actually heard this in an interview with Ian Drury who, talking about his colon cancer, said, "... it's in me swanee now".]

Lodger

Artful Dodger

She's taken in an artful to help pay the way.

Look

Butcher's Hook

Here - take a butcher's at this.

Look

Captain Cook

I just went over there for a captain [Thanks to Ashleigh Mills]

Loot (money)

Fibre of your fabric

C'mon, let me feel the fibre of your fabric [Thanks to Olli Black - fabric=suit=loot]

Lot (Serving or share)

Hopping Pot

That's your hopping mate. [Meaning, that's all you get. Thanks to James Vosper who says that this may have originated with Londoners who traveled to Kent and other districts to gather hops for beer]

Love

Turtle Dove

All right me old turtle [Thanks to Vince Scott]

Luck

Donald Duck

How's your Donald? [Thanks to Charly Large]

Luck

Friar Tuck

'E always had a bit of friar tuck. [Thanks to Martyn Tracy]

Mad

Mum and Dad

He's a bit mum and dad. [Thanks to Louis and Natalie Brinks]

Marriage Horse and Carriage e's off to his 'orse and carriage [Thanks to Emma]

Married

Cash and Carried

Poor bloke got cashed on the weekend.

Matches

Cuts and Scratches

Do you have any cuts?

Mate

China Plate

How are you, my old china?

Mate

Garden Gate

He’s an old garden gate from school [Thanks to Martin Hillier]

Meetin' (meeting)

Buster Keaton

We'll see you at the Buster [Thanks to Kris Grissom]

Mental

Radio Rental

He's a bit radio [Thanks to Louis and Natalie Brinks]

Mental (crazy)

Chicken Oriental

It was chicken oriental down the nuclear on Friday night [Thanks to Phil Vondra]

Merry

Tom and Jerry

E’s a tommy bloke [Thanks to Sparky James]

Mess

Elliot Ness

My drum's a right Elliot [Thanks to Nick Williams]

Milk

Acker Bilk

Would you like Acker in your coffee? [Thanks to Barry Greenaway. Acker Bilk (born Bernard Stanley Bilk) was born in 1929 is a master of the clarinet and leader of the Paramount Jazz Band. Interestingly, his nickname Acker is a Somerset term meaning friend or mate]

Mind

Chinese Blind

You're out of you little chinese mate. [Thanks to Danny O'Sullivan]

Miss

Cuddle and Kiss

She's a cute little cuddle.

Missus (Mrs)

Love and Kisses

Where did your love and kisses go? [Thanks to Alan Little]

Missus (Mrs)

Plates and Dishes

How's the plates getting on then? [Thanks to Alan Little]

Money

Bees and Honey

Can't go in there without any bees.

Money

Bread and Honey

Let's drink with him - he's got bread. [This one has enjoyed very common usage]

Money

Bugs Bunny

I've got some Bugs bunny in me sky rocket and I'm off down the rub-a-dub-dub. [Thanks to Nigel Ritson]

Motor (car)

Haddock and Bloater

I’ve gone and locked me keys in the haddock [Thanks to Alistair Steadman]

Mouth

North and South

I gave him a punch up the north.

Mug (chump)

Toby Jug

I'm tired of people taking me for a toby [Thanks to Roger Gillespie]

Neck

Bushel and Peck

He's got a bushel like tree trunk.

Neck

Gregory Peck

Wind you Gregory in [Thanks to Graham Todd]

Nerves

West Ham Reserves

e's got a bad case of the West Ham's [Thanks to Martin Elliot]

News Wooden Pews Did you catch the wooden pews yesterday [Thanks to LO]

Nick (prison)

Shovel and Pick

He's spending a bit of time in the shovel. [Thanks to John Butt]

Nightmare

Lionel Blaire

I'm havin' a right lionel [Lionel Blaire is a performer. Thanks to Jonathan Harris]

Nightmare

Weston-Super-Mare

Went for an interview yesterday - it was a total Weston-Super [Weston Super Mare is the main coastal resort of North Somerset. Thanks to Christian Martinsen]

Nipple

Raspberry Ripple

Look at the thup'neys on her, raspberries like cigar buts! [Can also mean cripple. Thanks to Dave Brown]

Nippy (cold)

George and Zippy

It’s a bit George [Thanks to Sam Murray – Eli Davenport reports that George & Zippy are from an old BBC kids show called Rainbow]

Noise

Box of Toys

Hold your box - they can hear you miles away!

Nose

Fireman's Hose

Look at the size of his fireman's [Thanks to Keith Cole]

Nose Fray Bentos Look at the Fray Bentos on that poor sod [Fray Bentos is a maker of a fabulous Steak & Kidney Pie (and other treats).  Thanks to Ray Wells]

Nose

I Suppose

That rotten drunk gave me a clip on me I suppose.

Nose

Irish Rose

She gave me a kiss on my Irish.

Nun

Current Bun

My meanest teachers were currents [Thanks to Aziz McMahon]

Nutter (crazy)

Roll and Butter

That blokes a bloody roland [Like titfer meaning hat, this expression uses the first two words rather than just the first.  Thanks to Rhian]

Off (take off, leave) Frank Bough I'm gonna do the Frank [see 'scoff'.  Frank Bough was a television personality - Thanks to Tom Kimber]

Old Man (Father or Husband)

Pot and Pan

I was talking to me old pot just yesterday. [Thanks to Bernie Albert and Colin]

On My Own

Toblerone

He's over there on his toblerone [Thanks to Laura Clifford

Out of Order

Allan Border

He's bang Allan [used when someone does something to another person that is not looked upon favourably. Allan Border was the Australian cricket captain in the late 80's/early 90's so we now have our first example of international rhyming slang.]

Paddy

Tea Caddy

Did you know Kevin is a tea caddy? [Thanks to Kevin Moynihan]

Pager

John Major

Me John Major’s just gone off [Thanks to Ian Nelson]

Pakistani

Bacon Sarnie

They've hired a new bloke at the shop - he's a bacon [Thanks to Nathaniel Espino. Sarnie is a slang term for sandwich (and if you haven't eaten a cold bacon sandwich you haven't lived. Nathaniel notes that this expression may be considered offensive]

Pakistani

Reg Varney

Martin's new bird's a Reg [Thanks to Jonny Morris. Reg played Stan Butler on 'On the Buses', one of the 1970's BritComs]

Pants

Adam Ant

Get your adam’s on [Thanks to Mike Leith]

Pants

Surrey & Hants

Blimey, I have no clean surreys [Thanks to Oliver Dick]

Paper (newspaper)

Linen Draper

Has the morning linen come yet?

Parcel

Elephant and Castle

Wot you got ‘ere then, a bleedin’ elephant [Thanks to Paul Island]

Park

Noah's Ark

I'm taking my misses to the Noah.

Party

Moriarty

Mental morry mate [Thanks to Simon Mahon]

Party

Russell Harty

I've phoned for a sherbert to take us to the Russell [Thanks to Jo Walker - Russell Harty is a TV host]]

Peas

John Cleese

Eat yer John Cleese - they're good for you [Thank to Mike Leith]

Peas

Knobbly Knees

We’re havin’ sexton and knobblies [Thanks to Mathew]

Pee

Gypsy Rose Lee

I’m off for a gypsy [Thanks to John Trimmer]

Pest Fred West Here comes that Fred West again [Fred West was and alleged mass murderer found hanged in his jail sail in 1995.  Thanks to Kevin Wade]

Tonic

Philharmonic

I'll have a Vera and Phil (gin and tonic) [Thanks to Michael Hawkins]

Phone

Al Capone

He’s always on the al capone [Thanks to Mike Agnes]

Phone

Dog and Bone

She's always on the dog.

Piano

Joanna

He sparkles on the joanna. [Just to confuse you, they mispronounce the word you're trying say, so instead of 'piano' they call it a 'piana']

Pictures

Dolly Mixtures

Going out to the Dolly Mixtures tonight [Thanks to Philip Hart - Dolly Mixtures are ]

Piddle (urinate)

Jimmy Riddle

I've had three pints - I could use a jimmy.

Piles

Nuremberg Trials

Me Nuremberg's are really playing me up [Thanks to Barry Greenaway]

Piles (hemorrhoids)

Chalfont St Giles

Me chalfonts are playing up. [Thanks to Paul Costello]

Piles (hemorrhoids)

Farmer Giles

Blimey, I ain't 'alf suffering from me farmers [Thanks to David Hughes]

Piles (hemorrhoids)

Nobby Stiles

Me nobbies are acting up again [Nobby Stiles was a great footballer from years gone by - Thanks to David Hughes]

Piles (hemorrhoids)

Rockford Files

Me Jim Rockford's are giving me gip! [Jim Rockford was the central character in the TV show The Rockford Files. Thanks to Paul Darbyshire]

Piles (hemorrhoids)

Sieg Heils

I'll stand if you don't mind - me sieg heils are acting up today.

Piles (hemorrhoids)

Slay 'em in the aisles

Me slay 'ems are playing me up. [Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]

Pill (birth control)

Jack and Jill

She's on the Jack [Thanks to Justyn Olby]

Pillow

Weeping Willow

'ere. Get yer head off my weeping willow [Thanks to Graham Allen]

Pill Strawberry Hill I must remember to take my strawberry tonight [Thanks to Jonathan Wills]
Pills Jack 'n Jills Where's me Jack n Jills [Thanks to Brian Kemp]

Pills

Mick Mills

‘e’s always ‘ad a weakness for the Mick Mills [Thanks to Phil Woodford.  Mick Mills played for Ipswich in the ‘70s]

Pinch (steal)

Half Inch

Someone's half-inched me pint! [Thanks to Mark Schofield]

Pipe Cherry Ripe He does a cherry [Cherry Ripe is an Australian chocolate bar - although this may be Aussie slang rather than Cockney I've included it since I've received so many submissions for it.  Thanks to Ben Murphy et al]

Piss

Arthur Bliss

I'm just popping out for an Arthur [Arthur Bliss was a famous English composer (1891-1975). Thanks to Robert Harper]

Piss

Gypsy's Kiss

Blimey - no more beer till I've 'ad a gypsy's.

Piss

Hit and Miss

I've got to have a hit before we go out.

Piss (Make fun of)

Mickey Bliss

He’s always taking the mickey out of someone [Mickey is short for a mythical 'Mickey Bliss,' providing the rhyme for 'piss and has been in widespread use since the late 1940s. The original idea was that of deflating someone, recalling the description of a self-important blusterer as 'all piss and wind.'  Thanks to Brown Terriers]

Pissed (angry) Hit List I'm really hit today [Thanks to Michael G]

Pissed (drunk)

Brahms and Liszt

He's well Brahms and Liszt , don't give him any more to drink. [Thanks to Ray Davis.  Sometimes the expression "Mozart & Liszt is used.]

Pissed (drunk)

Oliver Twist

I 'ad one over the eight last night and got completely Olivered. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]

Pissed (drunk)

Schindlers List

I'm a bit schindlers after a too many forsythes [Thanks to Den Frankham]

Pissed (drunk)

Scotch Mist

'e was completely scotch mist last night. [Thanks to Alan Little. Thanks to Marie Gordon for the example of usage.]

Plate

Alexander the Great

Don’t try and scarper before you’ve washed those alexanders [Thanks to Paul Island]

Play Grass & Hay Let's grass and hay down the park [Thanks to Oliver Nunn]

Pocket

Lucy Locket

Keep it in your Lucy.

Pocket

Sky Rocket

I've got nothing in my skies.

Poof (homosexual)

Iron Hoof

He's a bit of an iron. [Also Horses Hoof]

Poof (homosexual) Tin Roof I think he might be a tin roof [Thanks to Kron]

Porn

Frankie Vaughan

Is there any Frankie on the telly tonight? [Thanks to Jason Rankin]

Porn

Johnny Vaughn

I enjoy a bit of Johnny [Johnny Vaughn was the star of The Big Breakfast – thanks to Dan Longhurst]

Powder (cocaine) Nikki Lauder He's off doing a bit of Nikki [Thanks to Jim Smith)
Prat (arse) Paper Hat He's a bit of a paper [Thanks to Justin Semmens]

Prayer

Weavers' Chair

Haven't got a weaver's of getting into her alans. [Thanks to Cormac Kennedy. A weaver's chair has a low profile back allowing free movement of the arms.]

Prick

Hampton Wick

He gets on my wick. [Don't even try to understand this one - just accept it]

Pride

Jekyll and Hyde

You lost your jekyll or something? [Thanks to Joe Mills]

Prison

Boom and Mizzen

'e's off to the boom for a bit. [Thanks to Mike Shepherd]

Pub

Nuclear Sub

I'll meet you down the nuclear at 5 o'clock [Thanks to Robert Lynch]

Pub

Rub-a-dub-dub

I'm off to the rub-a-dub-dub. [Comes from the children's rhyme Rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub...]

Pube (pubic hair)

Rubric's Cube

When your having a shower make sure you wash your rubric's [Thanks to Andrew Turner]

Puff (marijuana)

Mickey Duff

Here, mate. Got any Mickey? [Thanks to Nortsqaf2]

Punter (gambler or odds maker)

Hillman Hunter

‘ere comes another load of Hillmans [the Hillman was a fine auto introduced in 1966.  Thanks to Steve Trice]

Purse Gypsy's Curse Someone's alf-inched me gypsy [Thanks to Martin Grove]

Quarter

Farmers Daughter

My Nan want me to get her three farmers of rosie (3/4 lb of tea) [Thanks to Peter Summersgill]

Queen (homosexual)

Torvill & Dean

He’s a right old torvill [Thanks to Tony Johnson]

Queer (homosexual)

Brighton Pier

That blokes a bit of a Brighton [Thanks to S. Sexton]

Queer (homosexual) Ginger Beer He's a bit ginger [Thanks to Steve Robinson.  See Queer (odd) below]

Queer (homosexual)

King Lear

e's a bit King Lear. [Thanks to Leslie Munday]

Queer (odd)

Ginger Beer

I don't know about that - sounds a bit ginger.  [Heard from Chris and Colin who have heard the expression "very glass", meaning very strange (from Glass of Beer), based on this rhyme.  Also, see Queer (homosexual) above]

Quid

Bin Lid

Lend us a bin [Thanks to Richard Hall]

Quid

Teapot Lid

I'm down a teapot already.

Rail

Toby Ale

'e's traveling by toby.

Railway Guard Christmas Card Look out for the christmas [Thanks to Sparky James]

Rain

Pleasure and Pain

Any more pleasure and we'll be swimming.

Rave (dance)

Comedy Dave

You coming to the comedy? [Comedy Dave is a Radio 1 DJ – Thanks to Hefin Gill]

Readies (pound notes)

Nelson Eddy's

'e's got a pile of nelsons! [Thanks to Julia Jones]

Rent

Burton on Trent

They've raised my burton again.

Rent Clark Kent I'm having a tough time coming up with me Clark [Thanks to Richard Robinson]

Rent

Duke of Kent

I can't afford to pay the Duke of Kent this week [Thanks to Mike Smith]

Rich Scratch & Itch 'e's got scratch [Thanks to Richard Lee]
Right Isle of Wight Down the High Road to the lights and make an Isle. [Thanks to Daniel Maurer.  Also seen used as slang for "all right" but not in common usage]

River

Shake and Shiver

He jumped right into the shake [Thanks to Alan Little]

Road

Frog and Toad

Don't ride your bike on the frog. [See Road = Kermit]

Road

Kermit

'e took off down the kermit. [From Kermit the Frog = frog and toad = road. Thanks to Gavin Wallace]

Rotten

Dot Cotton

I’m feeling a bit dot [Dot Cotton is a character from Eastenders – thanks to Rachel Walmsley]

Row (argument)

Barn Owl

Went up to the dole office today. 'Ad a bit of a barney with the geezer behind the desk. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell][[Not satisfied with the slang, the word is extended to 'Barney' to thoroughly confuse everyone]

Row (argument)

Bull and Cow

Had a right bull with my misses last night.

Rum

Tom Thumb

A wee bit of Tom and I'm off.

Sack (fired)

Tin Tack

He got the tin tack the other day [Thanks to Duncan Whitesmith]

Saloon Bar

Balloon Car

I'll be at the balloon.

Sauce

Dead Horse

Pass the dead horse [Thanks to Brad Spencer]

Scar

Mars Bar

I fell down the apple and pears trying to answer the dog & bone, hit my head and ended up with a mars bar [Thanks to David Bancroft]

Scoff (food)

Frank Bough

I’m going to get some frank [see 'off'.  Frank Bough  was a television personality – thanks to Martin Brewer]

Score

Bobby Moore

You know the Bobby [Bobby Moore was a great footballer who died in 1993. Thanks to Graham Todd]

Score

Hampden Roar

You know the hampden [Thanks to Andrew Mkandawire who goes on to explain that the Hampden Roar is is a commonly used term that refers to the noise made when fans cheer on Scotland at Hampden Park]

Score (£20)

Apple Core

I gave me last apple to that old paraffin [Thanks to Kevin Moynihan]

Scotch

Gold Watch

I'll have a gold watch and ten [Thanks to Del Sinnott]

Scotch

Pimple and Botch

He enjoys a good pimple.

Scotch (Whisky)

Gold Watch

'E enjoys his gold watch [Thanks to Martyn Tracy]

Scouser (Liverpudlian) Mickey Mouser 'E's a mickey mouser [Refers to someone from Liverpool.  Thanks to César Lozano]

Scouts

Brussel Sprouts

He's always been a brussel.

Scran (food)

Jackie Chan

I’m Hank Marvin.  I could use some top Jackie for me Michael Winner [Thanks to Simon Rowan]

Sex

Posh ‘n Becks

Had a bit of posh with the missus last night [Thanks to Iain Sisson– Posh refers to Posh Spice (Victoria Adams) of the Spice Girls while Becks refers to David Beckham, the famous footballer she married.  Another example of Rhyming Slang evolving to reflect the times.  See also Decks - Posh ‘n Becks]

Shabby

Westminster Abbey

He's turned out a bit westminster today [Thanks to Sparky James]

Shag Billy Bragg He's off for a billy [Billy Bragg is a singer/songwriter.  Thanks to Robert Christian]
Shank (golf term) J. R. You really JR'd that one mate.  [Abbreviated reference to J. Arthur Rank.  In golf, a shank is a ball that goes in a decidedly unexpected direction.  Thanks to Bern Summers]

Shave

Chas and Dave

I'm off for a chas [Thanks to Conor Keeling]

Shave

Dig in the Grave

A quick shower and dig and I'll be ready to go.

Shiner (black eye)

Ocean Liner

I punched him right in the mincer and gave him an ocean liner [Thanks to a somewhat violent Claire Reed]

Shirt

Dicky Dirt

Put your dicky dirt on before the company gets here.

Shirt

Uncle Bert

I've got to press my uncle.

Shit

Brace and Bit

Just off or a brace [Thanks to P Loynd]

Shit

Brad Pitt

I right need a Brad Pitt [Thanks to Big Bill]

Shit

Eartha Kitt

I'm going for an Eartha [See also 'Tit' - Thanks to Peter Cotterell for this variation]

Shit

Tom Tit

I'm going for a Tom Tit. [Thanks to David Carruthers.]

Shite

Tom Kite

I’m off for a tom [Thanks to Denis Daly]

Shite

Turkish Delight

They’re playing completely Turkish today [Thanks to Paul Island]

Shite (shit)

Barry White

I need a Barry White [Thanks to Oli Hickman]

Shits (diarrhoea)

Two-Bob Bits

I’ve got a real case of the two-bob bits [Thanks to Steven Elder]

Shitter (rectum)

Council Gritter

When I sat down there was a pin on my chair! Right up the council! [Thanks to Uncle Custard. He reports that a council gritter is the machine that comes around and puts grit on icy roads]

Shitter (rectum)

Gary Glitter

He kicked him right up the Gary [Thanks to Neil Churchard]

Shitter (toilet or rectum)

Rick Whitter

Back in a sec - I'm off to the rick [Rick Whitter is a singer in the group Shed7 - thanks to Dan Collins and Keith Uden]

Shocker Barry Crocker That's a Barry Crocker [Barry Crocker is an Aussie performer - thanks to Dan McGivern]

Shocker

Costantino Rocca

Played a round of golf yesterday - had a complete Costantino [Costantino Rocca is an Italian golfer - thanks to Christian Martinsen]

Shoe

Scooby Doo

Where are me Scooby's? [Thanks to Mark Chinery & Michael Lloyd]

Shoe Ghost (Boo) Get yer ghosts on [Thanks to Richard Lee]

Shoes

One and two's

Where's me one 'n two's? [Thanks to John Ioannou]

Shoes St. Louis Blues 'e's got himself a new pair of St. Louis' [Thanks to Doug Sammons]

Shoes

Rhythm and Blues

Get your rhythm and blues on [Thanks to Jack Summers and Neil Devlin]

Shoes

Yabba-Dabba-Doo

Nice pair of yabba’s mate [For them what don’t have a classical education, “Yabba-Dabba-Doo” was the catch phrase of Fred Flintstone.  Thanks to Jon Evans]

Shout (round)

Wally Grout

It's your wally, mate (ie. It's your turn to buy a round of drinks). [Wally Grout was an Australian cricketer who died in 1968 - Thanks to Mark Redding]

Shower

David Gower

I'd just got out of the David Gower [Thanks to Mark Crowe - David Gower is an English cricketer]

Shower

Eiffel Tower

I’m going for an Eiffel Tower.

Sick

Moby Dick

I'm feeling a bit Moby today. [Thanks to Elaine MacGregor]

Sick

Spotted Dick

We don’t have a goalie – John’s spotted [Spotted Dick is a dessert make with raisins – thanks to Andrew Black]

Sick

Tom and Dick

He's feeling a bit Tom. [There is also an expression "Feeling a bit dicky" as in not quite right that comes from this slang.  Paul Morgan says that it’s also used as “Bob and Dick”]

Sick

Uncle Dick

I can't come out tonight - I'm feeling a bit Uncle Dick [Thanks to Chris Keeley]

Sight

Website

Get out of me website [Thanks to Antony Kennedy who says this was taken from the Human Traffic film]

Silly

Daffy Down Dilly

'e's a bit daffy. [Daffy Down Dilly is a line of dolls from Madam Alexander. Thanks to Peter Bendall]

Silly

Piccadilly

I've always said he was piccadilly [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]

Simple

Dolly Dimple

She’s a bit Dolly Dimple [Thanks to Simon Mahon]

Sister

Skin and Blister

She may be his blister but she's nothing like him.

Six Tim Mix He rolled a Tom Mix [Thanks to Jude Saffron who says this expression is common in casino's when referring to dice games]

Skin (cigarette paper)

Vera Lynn

Got any vera's? [Thanks to Paul Cheese]

Skint (broke)

Borassic Lint

He's right boric. [Thanks to Peter Langdale who's a chemist in the UK for correcting this one]

Skint (broke) Larry Flint I'm completely larry mate [Larry Flint is an American publisher of adult magazines.  Thanks to Rob Haynes]
Skint (broke) Polo Mint I'm polo'd [Thanks to Kieran Cooney]
Slag (prostitute) Oily Rag She's a bit of an oily rag [Oily Rag is also slang for fag (cigarette).  One can't help but wonder how many times a simply "Can you spot me an oily?" might have been misinterpreted.  Thanks to Matthew Wilson]

Slag (prostitute)

Toe Rag / Tow Rag

She’s a right toe rag [Thanks to Chris Roberts.  Mike Lyons adds: It should be 'Tow Rag'.  When a car towed another in times past, (broken down car) behind it, it was/is common practice to tie a piece of rag halfway along the rope between the two vehicles. This was to indicate the rope's presence to pedestriams, particularly when stopped in traffic. (i.e. to stop people tripping over it when walking between the cars).  As this piece of rag was literally dragging or 'always in' the dirt all the time, it was compared with someone who was shifty, untrustworthy, criminal, loafer, a general 'low life'.  Such a person was called a tow rag, example "don't trust him, he's a bit of a tow rag".]  Thus, a tow rag could refer to a male or female of dubious character.

Slap

Watford Gap

I’m gonna give you a Watford ‘round yer chevy [Thanks to Glenn Buss]

Slash (piss) Pat Cash I'm absolutely dying for a Pat Cash [Thanks to Bryan Rowe]

Slash (piss)

Pie and Mash

I’m poppin’ out for a pie and mash [Thanks to Paul Ingram]

Sleep

Bo-Peep

What I need is a good bo-peep. [Thanks to Bernie Albert]

Sleep Sooty and Sweep You need a bit of sooty [Thanks to John Gowland]

Smell

Aunt Nell

He don't half Aunt Nell [Thanks to Jo Miller]

Smoke (cigarette)

Laugh and Joke

I’m going for a laugh [Thanks to Winston Gutkowski]

Sneeze

Bread and Cheese

I hate allergies - one good bread after another.

Snide

Jeckyll and Hyde

‘e’s a bit Jeckyll [Thanks to Simon Mahon]

Snout (cigarette)

Salmon and Trout

'Ere mate, give us a salmon, I'm right out. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell] [If you know where the expression 'snout' for cigarette comes from I'd like to include it][ [Martin McKerrell has written that Snout comes from snout rag meaning handkerchief (I'm thinking snot rag - JA) so Snout Rag = Fag = cigarrette. Also, Richard Beveridge has suggested that the term snout comes from prison life when the prisoners, who would take their daily exercise in silence, would signal a tobacco supplier that he needed cigarettes by touching his nose.] - See "ins and outs"

Snouts (Cigarettes)

Ins and Outs

'ere mate, got any ins and outs? [Thanks to James Hotston] (See Salmon and Trout)

Soap

Cape of Good Hope

Go wash yourself - and use the cape.

Soap

Faith and Hope

Where's the faith and hope, I wanna wash me 'ands [Thanks to Mike Smith]

Socks

Almond Rocks

Wouldn't it be nice if your almonds matched?

Socks Bombay Docks Anyone seen me bombays? [Thanks to Julie Lanham-Hathaway.  Phil Diaper suggests the expression is actually Tilbury Docks]
Socks Joe Rocks Pull yer Joe's up [Thanks to Jim Hyde]

Son

Currant Bun

He's awfully proud of his currant.

Song

Ding Dong

Everyone gather round the piano for a ding dong. [Usually the full slang expression is used]

Soup

Loop de Loop

Nothing like a good loop on a cold day.

Spanner (wrench)

Elsie Tanner

Can I borrow your elsie [Thanks to Alan Little]

Sparrow

Bow and Arrow

Little bow and arrow fell out of the nest. [Usually the full slang expression is used]

Speak Bubble and Squeak I won't bubble [Thanks to Justyn Olby who credits John Le Carre's book "Night Manager"]

Specs (spectacles)

Gregory Peck

Where’s me gregs [Thanks to Marcia Woodman]

Specs [Spectacles)

Mikkel Becks

Where did I put me Mikkel's? [Thanks to Mark Crowe - Mikkel Beck is a footballer]

Splinter

Alan Minter

Picked up this wood and got a terrible Alan in me finger [Thanks to Barry Greenaway. Alan Minter is a British boxer with a current record of 39-9 (23 by KO)]

Spoon

Daniel Boone

Pass me a daniel [Thanks to Andy Powell]

Spoon

David Boon

Pass me that David Boon [Thanks to Mark Crowe - David Boon is an Australian cricketer]

Spot (acne)

Randolph Scott

I've got a great big randolph on my chin [Thanks to Matt Stammers]

Spouse

Boiler House

Me boiler's always yammerin' on. [Thanks to John Butt]

Sprouts

Twist and Shouts

I love bubble and squeak made with Twist and Shouts [Thanks to Mike Leith]

Spunk (semen)

Harry Monk

This glue's as sticky as a load of Harry [Harry Monk was an old music hall entertainer. Thanks to Jon Bard]

Spunk (semen) Pineapple Chunk Is that laundry powder on your jeans?  Looks like pineapple chunks to me [Thanks to Tom Dowling]

Stairs

Apples and Pears

Get yourself up the apples and pears.

Stairs

Daisy Dancers

Get yerself up the daisy dancers [This one's a bit convoluted: Daisy Dancer = Dancing Bears = Stairs. The daisy dancer reference is a twist on the Dancing Bears=Stairs slang. Thanks to Mike Tombs]

Stairs

Dancing Bears

Get yerself up the dancing bears [Thanks to Mike Tombs]

Starved

Pear Halved

"Lunch in a bit?" "Yeah, I'm a bit pear." [Thanks to Richard English]

Starvin'

Hank Marvin

I'm bloody Hank Marvin. I haven't eaten all day [Hank Marvin was the guitarist for The Shadows from the 1960's to the 1990's. Thanks to Neil Churchard]

Starvin'

Lee Marvin

I'm Lee Marvin [Thanks to Peter Conway who wrote all the way from Dubai - he adds that if you're really hungry you could say, "I'm Hank, and his brother Lee". Lee Marvin was an American actor. See other entry for starvin' (Hank Marvin). And no - they're not related.]

State (anguish)

Two and Eight

He's in a two and eight over it. [Usually the full slang expression is used]

Steak and Kidney

Kate and Sydney

A lovely Kate and Sydney pie [Not really rhyming slang - more a matter of getting your mords wixed up]

Stella (beer)

Nelson Mandelas

A couple of nelsons please [Thanks to Alan Little. Stella refers to Stella Artois]

Stella (beer)

Paul Weller

Give us a Paul Weller [Thanks to Gary Williams - Paul Weller is (or was) a musician with The Jam. Stella refers to Stella Artois]

Stella (beer)

Uri Geller

Mines a Uri [Thanks to Martin Harrison]

Stella Artois (beer)

Ooh Aah

I’ll have an ooh aah [Thanks to Steve Kensington]

Stench

Dame Judy Dench

A right Dame Judy in here [Thanks to Dean Cavanagh]

Stick (walking) Hackney Wick I've forgot me hackney wick back at the last pub [Thanks to Alan Rawling]

Stink

Pen and Ink

That's a bit of a pen and ink.

Story

Jackanory

Ye late! What’s the jackanory then? [Thanks to Podster]

Stout (beer)

Salmon and Trout

Stop by and have a salmon.

Stranger

Queen’s Park Ranger

Who’s that Queen’s Park Ranger standing over there? [Thanks to Danny Robinson]

Stranger

Texas Ranger

This pub is full of Texas Rangers these days [Thanks to Danny Robinson]

Stray

Gamma Ray

That Mary's a bit of a gamma [Thanks to Dan Collins and Keith Uden]

Street

Field of Wheat

He out standing in the field, waiting for a bus.

Strides (trousers)

Donkey Rides

He's wearing black donkeys [Thanks to Keith Cole]

Strides [trousers)

Jekyll and Hydes

Just bought a new pair of Jekylls

Stripper

Jack the Ripper

I love me jack the rippers [Thanks to John Ioannou]

Strong

Ping Pong

I need a ping pong drink [Thanks to Chris Keeley]

Sub (pay advance)

Rub a Dub

Guvnor Give us a rub a dub till pay day. [Thanks to Ray Davis]

Subaru

Scooby-Doo

Let's have a go in ya scooby-doo [Thanks to J. Mulroy]

Suit

Bag of Fruit

He turned up dressed in a bag [Thanks to Bill Smith who quite rightly points out that while Whistle and Flute can refer to a nice looking suit, Bag of Fruit depicts a very different image of an old and shapeless suit]

Suit

Bowl of Fruit

Are you wearing your bowl of fruit tonight? [Thanks to Brad Spencer]

Suit

Tin Flute

I’ll be wearing me tin flute [Thanks to Duncan Whitesmith]

Suit

Whistle and Flute

He bought himself a new whistle for the wedding.

Sun

Current Bun

Old current bun's out today [Thanks to Ray Davis.]

Supper

Tommy Tucker

You can sing for your Tommy.

Sweetheart Treacle Tart She's a right treacle [Thanks to Kate Odgers - note that there is reportedly a negative connotation for this expression, meaning a woman of easy virtues, but it's not very commonly used]

Table

Cain and Abel

Sit yourself at the cain and I'll bring you your Tommy (Tommy Tucker - supper).

Tablet (pill) Gary Ablett He was off his nuts on the old Gary Abletts wasn't he [Gary Ablett was a footballer in the 80's - thanks to Majik Khan]

Tail

Alderman's Nail

He's always wagging his alderman's.

Talk

Rabbit and Pork

He's always rabbitting on about something [Andrew Black says his sister used to say he had “too much bunny” (or more rabbit than Sainsbury’s!).  You can be sure that wasn’t a compliment]

Talker

Murray Walker

She’s a real murray – just can’t get her to shut up! [Thanks to Tony Kibble]

Tan

Peter Pan

I’m off to the pool to top up me peter pan. [Thanks to Lee Henderson]

Tanner (sixpence)

Sprarsy Anna

Lend us a sprarsy - I wanna get some toe-rags (cigarettes) [Thanks to Mike Smith - he wonders if Sprarsy might have something to do with the old Indian coin called an "anna". If you have any more info please let me know]

Tart

Kick Start

Is this a lads night or are we taking the kicks [Thanks to Tony Merrington]

Taxi

Joe Baxi

Mind if I share your Joe Baxi? [Thanks to Mike Doles. William Coward says Joe Baxi was a heavyweight boxer who knocked out British champ George Woodcock around 1950.]

Tea

Half Past Three

Where’s me bleeding cuppa arf past? [Thanks to Simon Buckridge]

Tea

Rosy Lee

I've just put the rosy on.

Tea

You and Me

Fancy a cup of you and me? [Thanks to Barry Greenaway]

Tears Britney Spears She's off doing a Britney [Thanks to Jade]

Teeth

Edward Heath

He got smacked in the Edwards [Thanks to John Curtis-Rouse.  Edward Heath was PM in the early 1970’s]

Teeth

Hampstead Heath

His hampsteads (hamps) are a crime.

Telly (TV)

Custard and Jelly

As usual, nothing on the custard tonight.

Telly (TV)

Liza Minelli

What’s on the Liza? [Thanks to Yorgos Elissaios]

Ten

Cock and Hen

I didn't get much change back from a cock [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]

Tenner (£10)

Paul McKenna

I’m don to me last Paul McKenna [Thanks to Richard Hall.  Paul McKenna is a famous hypnotist]

Tenner (10 pound note)

Ayrton Senna

'ere, lend us an ayrton me old china [Ayrton Senna was a Formula One driver - thanks to Tom Harvey]

Tenner (10 pound note)

Louise Wener

'ere, lend us a louise. [Louise Wener is a singer with the band Sleeper - thanks to Richard English]

Thief

Tea Leaf

He's always been a bit of a tea leaf. [Usually the fully slang expression is used]

Think Cocoa Drink I should cocoa [Said in a somewhat facetious manner, this phrase actually means "I should think not" - thanks to Kathryn Polley]

Thirst

Geoff Hurst

I've got a Geoff on tonight [Sir Geoff Hurst was the only footballer to score three goals in a World Cup final. Thanks to Graham Todd]

Throat

Billy Goat

I've got a sore billy goat [Thanks to Paul Robinson]

Throat

John O’Groat

‘e cleared his groat whilst wiping his mincers with ‘is germans [Thanks to Mike Basquill]

Throat

Nanny Goat

Get that down your nanny [Thanks to Chris Roberts]

Throat Weasel & Stoat 'is weasel's playing him up [Thanks to Roy Sharp.  See also Coat]
Thunder Crash & Blunder What a storm!  Did you hear the crash and blunder [Thanks to David Reynolds]

Ticket

Bat and Wicket

I've got a bat for tonight's train.

Ticket

Wilson Picket

I want to go to New York, but I can’t afford the wilsons [Thanks to Tony Merrington]

Tie

Peckham Rye

I'm putting on me best whistle and me new peckham. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]

Till (Cash register)

Jack & Jill

'E got nicked with 'is 'ands in the old jack and jill [Thanks to Martyn Tracy]

Time

Bird Lime

What's the bird?  [Also commonly used to refer to doing time, as in prison.  Thanks to John Gowland]

Time

Harry Lime

What's the Harry Lime? [Thanks to Barry Greenaway. Harry Lime is a character in 'The Third Man']

Time Lemon & Lime Oi mate - what's the lemon & lime [Thanks to Anonymous]

Tit (breast)

Brad Pitt

Nice pair of brads [Thanks to Justyn Olby]

Tits (breasts)

Ballroom Blitz

She’s got marvellous ballrooms [Ballroom Blitz is a song by a group named Sweet - thanks to David Rolph]

Tits (breasts)

Brace and Bits

Blimey - what a brace!

Tits (breasts)

Eartha Kitts

Nice Eartha's [Thanks to Louis and Natalie Brink]

Tits (breasts)

Fainting Fits

Wouldn’t mind getting me germans on her faintings [Thanks to Phil Woodford]

Tits (breasts)

Thr'penny Bit

Look at the Thr'penny's on her. [Thank to David Carruthers]

Titties (breasts)

Bristol Cities

She's got a lovely pair of Bristols.  [BristolPirate2003 (I'm assuming a nom de plume) sent the following:  The saying goes back hundreds of years from when sailors sailed to the "New World", between Bristol, England (the second largest port outside of London at the time) and the USA, traveling on to the tobacco plantations at Bristol, Virginia.

It was known as, "Going between the Bristol's" and became a sexual reference for what sailors would do to their women folk on returning to dry land!.

Titty (breast)

Walter Mitty

She's got a lovely set of walters [Thanks to Dean Cavanagh]

Toast

Holy Ghost

How about another round of 'oly. [Thanks to Jack Summers]

Toe Bromley by Bow You might want to fight, but I'm going to have it on me bromleys [ie. run away.  Thanks to David Aqius]
Toker Al Roker That guy is an Al [Thanks to Andrew Backs]

Tonic

Supersonic

How about a nice Vera and super (Gin & Tonic) [Thanks to Vaughan Hully]

Toss

Kate Moss

I couldn't give a Kate Moss. [Thanks to Alex Marsh]

Towel Baden Powell 'ere, wrap a baden powell around you.  Nobody wants to see that! [Thanks to Lord Russell Grineau]

Train

Michael Caine

I missed me Michael [Thanks to Mike Hale]

Trainers (running shoes)

Claire Rayners

I've got me new Claire Rayners on [Thanks to John Tsang - Claire Rayner is an author]

Trainers (running shoes)

Gloria Gaynors

That's a nice pair of Gloria's [Thanks to John Ioannou]

Tramp (hobo)

Paraffin Lamp

I gave me last apple to that old paraffin [Thanks to Kevin Moynihan]

Tramp (hobo)

Thirteen Amp

Look at that bunch of thirteen amps over there. [Thanks to Steve Vincent - thirteen amps is the standard electrical receptacle in Britain]

Trouble

Barney Rubble (Flintstones)

Stay away from him. He's right Barney.

Trousers

Lards

‘e was caught with ‘is lards down [Lards is from Callards & Bowsers, makers of fine toffee’s.  Thanks to Duncan Reed.  Lenny has noted that often the full expression, i.e. "'e was caught with his callards down" is used to avoid confusion with lardy meaning cigar (la-di-da).]

Trousers

Round the Houses

'e's got hisself a new set of round the houses [Thanks to Christopher Webb.  Also used is "Council Houses" as in "'is councils haven't seen an pressing this year" - thanks to Gary Chatfield]

Turd (shit)

Douglas Hurd

I need to dump a Douglas [Thanks to Mathew Dalton.  Douglas Hurd is a politician.]

Turd (shit)

Richard the Third

He's a bit of a Richard. [Thanks to Ray Davis. Elaine MacGregor reports that this is also used as in "I'm just going for a Richard".  Andrew notes that sometimes Edward the Third is also used.]

Umbrella

Auntie Ella

Wonderful - it's starting to rain and me without my Auntie Ella.

Voice Hobson's Choice What's the matter with 'is 'obsons [Thanks to Roy Sharp]

Vomit

Wallace and Gromit

One more pint and I’ll Wallace, mate [Thanks to Mark Holmans]

Wages

Greengages

I've blown the greengages down at the dogs [Thanks to Mike Smith]

Walk

Ball of Chalk

After a heavy meal I like quick ball round the square.

Wank (masturbate) Armitage Shank He's havin' an armitage [Thanks to Ben Dear - Armitage Shank are makers of fine porcelain bathroom fixtures]

Wank (masturbate)

Jodrell Bank

Just off for a Jodrell [Jodrell Bank was the site of a University of Manchester botanical station, about 20 miles south of Manchester, back in the 1940's. Today, Jodrell Bank is a leading radio astronomy facility. Thanks to P Loynd]

Wank (masturbate)

Barclays Bank

He's having a barclays. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]

Wank (masturbate)

J. Arthur Rank

'e's off having a J. Arthur [Thanks to Mike Dowding and Sparky James]

Wank (masturbate) Lamb Shank 'e's having a lamb [Thanks to Alan Heard]

Wank (masturbate)

Midland Bank

I'm going for a midland [Thanks to Jonathan Harris]

Wank (masturbate)

Peddle and Crank

I'm off for a peddle! [Thanks to Aziz McMahon]

Wank (masturbate)

Sherman Tank

e's a right sherman [Thanks to David Hughes]

Wank (masturbate)

Tommy Tank

She's probably at home doing a tommy. [Thanks to Barbara Wilson – from Thomas the Tank Engine, a child's program]

Wanker Cab Ranker 'e's a bit of a cab ranker [Thanks to Steve Tuffin]

Wanker

Kuwaiti Tanker

He’s a bit of a Kuwaiti tanker [Thanks to Daryl Egerton]

Wanker

Merchant Banker

He's a right merchant [Thanks to Justyn Olby]

Wanker

Ravi Shankar

That referee is a right Ravi [Thanks to Justin Ellis]

Wanker

Sefton Branker

He’s a right Sefton Branker [Thanks to Paul Lundy – Sefton Branker was a Major, and later Air Vice Marshall, who was posted to India in the early 20th century]

Wanker

Swiss Banker

He’s a bit of a swiss banker [Thanks to Morris Childers]

Wanks

Gordon Banks

They’re a bunch of gordons [Thanks to Paul Island]

Watch (fob watch)

Kettle and Hob

That's a lovely kettle [Thanks to Mark Sparrow. I got the following from Dudley who wondered about the connection between a kettle and a watch - he passed on the following story:

It was commonplace for everyone to wear a pocket watch and chain in the waistcoat & it was also equally commonplace for the watch to be in the pawn shop as an interim loan security - however no one was keen for people to know that this situation was necessary, so the chain would be kept and worn as normal. In the kitchens of the day the fire would be an open one and there would be a bar or hook above it from which a length of chain would be secured and from there the kettle would be suspended above the fire to boil. So with this in mind, if the pocket watch chain, with no weight on it to hold it in the pocket, fell out and dangled minus the missing watch, there would always be some clever Charlie ready to pipe up "What's that for then, your bleedin' kettle?"

Dave Walker provided the following:  The origin of "kettle" comes from illicit spirit making, distilled in what were large coppers known as kettles, hence, kettle of scotch = watch. I have always understood this to be the true origin, and it does rhyme, after all.

Water

Ten Furlongs (Mile and a quarter)

I'll have a gold watch and ten [Thanks to Del Sinnott]

Web Site

Wind and Kite

Check out me wind and kite [Thanks to Mark Holmans]

Weight

Pieces of Eight

She'd better watch her pieces of eight [Thanks to Dave Connolly]

Whisky

Gay and Frisky

I'll have a gay and I'm off. [Be careful where you use this]

White Wine

Plink Plonk

Open a bottle of plonk [The rhyme here is a bit convoluted – Plink Plonk rhymes with Vin Blanc which is, of course, a white wine.  Thanks to Claire Reed]

Whore

Four by Four

She’s a bit of a four by four [Thanks to Dave Collard]

Whore Roger Moore I was trying to get my trousers back on, and the dirty roger is running up the street with my wallet [Thanks to Mark Adams]

Whore

Thomas Moore

She a right Thomas [Thanks to Pete Masters]

Wife

Duchess of Fife

Now my old dutch, where are we off to tonight?

Wife

Trouble and Strife

I'm taking my trouble dancing tonight.

Wig

Irish Jig

I think that blokes wearing an Irish [Thanks to Martin Elliot]

Wig

Syrup of Figs

What a syrup. [Thanks to Mark Pearson]

Window

Burnt Cinder

Close the bloody burnt [This works if you mispronounce window... winda - and cinder... cinda as any good Englishman would. Thanks to Sparky James]

Windshield Wiper

Billie Piper

You’d better put your billies on [Billie Piper is a pop singer - Thanks to Deane]

Windy

Mork and Mindy

Cor, it's bloody mork today [shows you that the slang is constantly evolving - thanks to Alan Little.  Can also refer to someone who is a bit windy - "Don't feed him brussel sprouts again - he gets all Mork & Mindy" - thanks to Sparky James]

Wine

Porcupine

Where’s the porc waiter [Thanks to Tony Merrington]

Word

Dicky Bird

He left without so much as a dicky.

Wrong

Falun Gong

It seems to have all gone a bit falun gong [From semi-obscure evil Chinese cult with tendency to inaccuracy, therefore appropriate.  Thanks to Keith Hale]

Wrong

Pete Tong

It's all gone a bit Pete [Pete Tong is an English DJ - thanks to Dan Collins and Keith Uden]

Yank

Septic Tank

He's not very bright... septic, you know. [Thanks to Peter Langdale for this one.  Tony Alderton reports that this can also be shorted to Sepo]

Yank

Wooden Plank

Then this wooden bloke walked in [Thanks to Ian Coppell]

Yawn

Johnny Vaughn

Can’t hold back a good Johnny [Johnny Vaughn was the star of The Big Breakfast – thanks to Will Sowden]

Years

Donkey's Ears

Ain't seen you in donkeys mate. [Thanks to Ossie Mair]

Yid Front Wheel Skid Old Mikey's a front wheel [Thanks to Jan.  Note that this expression is considered offensive]

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