English

Slang

Usage

2:2 (lower second class degree)

Desmond Tutu

All Dayer (all day drinking session)

Leo Sayer

Let's make it a Leo Sayer. [Thanks to Sean Gillespie]

All Dayer (all day drinking)

Gary Player

Let's make it a Gary Player [Thanks to J. Jeffreys]

Alone

Jack Jones

He went to the pub all Jack. [This doubtless comes from a Music Hall song sung, somewhere between 1900 and 1914, by the Cockney songster Gus Elen entitled " 'E dunno where 'e are". Gus is buried in Streatham Park Cemetery, London. I believe he died about 1944. The song is about a bloke, Jack Jones, who comes into a sum of money and thinks himself too good for his former mates:

"When he's up at Covint Gardin you can see 'im a standin' all alone, / Won't join in a quiet little Tommy Dodd (half-pint of beer), drinking Scotch and Soda on 'is own, / 'E 'as the cheek and impidence to call 'is muvver 'is Ma, / Since Jack Jones came into a little bit o' splosh, well 'e dunno where 'e are." - Thanks to Frank Haigh for the explanation of the source]

Alone

Pat Malone

Alone

Todd Sloan

Looks like I'm on my Todd tonight. [Thanks to Jeff McCartney. - Frank Baynham reports that Todd Sloan was a famous jockey (I've found a listing for him at the Wikiup ranch in Northern California) who had a tendency to run at the front of the pack... all alone.]

Arm

Chalk Farm

Daft and Barmy

He was promoted in the daft. [Thanks to Alan Little]

Army

Kate Karney

He's off and joined the Kate.  [Kate Carney (1869-1950), a comedienne, was born into a music hall family in London. She made her first stage appearance at the Albert Music Hall, Canning Town, and later became famous for her cockney character songs. These songs established her at the top of the bill and she was described as 'The Cockney Queen'. - Thanks to Cab for the information on Kate]

Arse

April in Paris

I’m ‘aving terrible trouble with me April [How can such a simple word have so many convoluted references?  April in Paris - Aris (from Aristotle - bottle which is from bottle and glass - arse.)  Whew – Thanks to Peter Chrisp]

Arse

Aristotle=Bottle=Bottle and Glass=Arse; therefore, Aris=Arse

I gave him a good kick up the Aris [Thanks to Ray Davis.] See also bottle.

Arse

Bottle and Glass

I gave him a good kick up the bottle.

Arse

Khyber Pass

Stick it up your khyber.

Arsehole

Jam Roll

That geezer is a right jam roll. [Thanks to Robert Lynch]

Arsehole

Merry Old Soul

‘e’s a bit of a merry old soul [Thanks to Sanor]

Aunt

Mrs. Chant

He didn't know what to get his Mrs. Chant for Christmas [Thanks to Alan Little]

Back

Hammer and Tack

Ooh! Me 'ammer and tack's playing me up again. [Thanks to James]

Back

Hat Rack

He fell off the roof and broke his hat rack [Thanks to Martin Hillier]

Bad

Sorry and Sad

That dinner was a bit sorry.

Balls (testicles)

Berlin Walls

Me pants are too tight and making me berlins wobbly [Thanks to Stephen Hartwig]

Balls (testicles)

Cobbler's Awls

Go on! Kick him in the cobblers! [Can also be used to express disbelief, such as "Cobblers! That's not the way it is."]

Balls (testicles)

Niagara Falls

I got him in his niagara's [Thanks to Alan Little]

Balls (testicles)

Orchestra Stalls

He nearly got hit in the orchestra [Thanks to Alan Little]

Balls (testicles)

Royal Albert Hall

I kicked this geezer straight in the Royal Alberts [Thanks to Steve Smith]

Banana

Gertie Gitana

I like a gertie on my cereal [Possibly an old music hall star - Thanks to Christopher Webb.  Sue Lawrence adds: "Gertie Gitana was indeed a music hall performer. My mother, now ninety-two, spent her early life in Dalston and used to go and see her at the Hackney Empire.]

Bank

Armitage Shank

I’m off to the armitage [Armitage Shank is the maker of fine porcelain fixtures found in washrooms everywhere - Thanks to Ed Leveque.]

Bank

Cab Rank

I won't be long - just going to the cab rank [Thanks to Mike Smith]

Bank

Iron Tank

He lost his house to the iron.

Bank

Tommy Tank

I'm going 'round the tommy to pay in a gooses. [See also Wank - thanks to Christopher Webb]

Bar (pub)

Jack Tar

I'm off to the Jack. [See also 'Alone' and Bar (pub). Could be very confusing if you're going alone - "I'm off to the jack jack". Or, if you were telling your brother Jack, "I'm off to the jack jack, Jack"]

Bar (pub)

Near and Far

I saw him at the near.

Barber

Dover Harbour

I’m off to Dover to get me barnet sorted [Thanks to Mark Vernon]

Barking (mad)

Three stops down from Plaistow

He’s three stops down from Plaistow [from the London Underground District Line – thanks to Matthew Jackson]

Barrow

Cock Sparrow

He's wheeling his cock 'round the market. [Lenny notes that in the north this expression can also refer to a friend, as in "Hello me old cock sparrow"]

Bath

Steffi Graf

I’m just going for a steffi [Thanks to David Shea]

Bed

Uncle Ted

I'm off to Uncle Ted.

Beer

Pig's Ear

Can I buy you a pig?

Beers

Brittney Spears

'ow about a Brittney?" [Brittney Spears is a popular singer. Thanks to Ben Allen]

Believe

Adam and Eve

I don't Adam and Eve it! [Usually full slang expression is used]

Belly

Auntie Nellie

I punched him in the Auntie but he didn't even notice.

Belly

Derby Kelly

That's the stuff for you Derby Kell; makes you fit and it makes you well [From old cockney song Boiled Beef and Carrots - pronounced Darby. Thanks to Christopher Webb]

Bender (homosexual)

Leo Fender

That blokes a bit leo after all. [The late Leo Fender was the inventor of the Stratocaster guitar - thanks to Richard English]

Bent (criminal)

Stoke on Trent

'e's stoke he is. [Thanks to Alan Little. See also 'Bent (gay)']

Bent (homosexual)

Stoke on Trent

That bloke's a bit stoke [Thanks to Alex Wood. See also 'Bent (criminal)']

Best

Mae West

I'm Mae West at Cockney Rhyming Slang [Thanks to Kris Grissom]

Beverage

Edna Everage

Would you like an Edna? [Edna Everage (aka Dame Edna) is a star, darling! Thanks to Sue Cope.]

Bill (statement)

Beecham's Pill

I got my Beecham's from the tax people.

Bill (statement)

Jack and Jill

I'm going home - can I have my Jack? [See also Hill]

Bill (statement)

Jimmy Hill

Have we paid the Jimmy Hill yet? [Thanks to Magnus Spencer. Jimmy Hill is a football pundit and former player]

Bird

Richard the Third

Look what that bloody Richard's done to my car!

Bird (woman)

Lemon Curd

I’m off to see me lemon [Thanks to Jesse Wynne]

Bitter (beer)

Apple Fritter

I've tried that new apple but I prefer my salmon [Salmon and trout - stout].

Bitter (beer)

Gary Glitter

Give us a pint of gary [Thanks to Gareth Evans]

Bitter (beer)

Giggle and Titter

'ere. I could use a giggle. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]

Blind

Bacon Rind

Are you completely bacon? [Thanks to Damon]

Blonde

Magic Wand

I pulled a top magic wand last night [Thanks to Lee Henderson]

Boat

Nanny Goat

I took my nanny out on the river.

Boil

Can of Oil

'e'd be nice looking once his canov's clear up. [Thanks to Marie Gordon]

Boil

Conan Doyle

'e's got a conan on his bottle the size of me fist! [Thanks to Marie Gordon.  John Mahony adds that very often the expression used is "Sir Arthur", as in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - He's got a Sir Arfur on his bushel]

Bollocks

Jackson Pollock

This modern art's a load of old Jacksons [Thanks to Justin Ellis. Pollock is a "20th Century strange artist".]

Bones

Tom Jones

Ooh, me toms are clicking [Thanks to Hefin Gill]

Book

Captain Hook

I've read this captain.

Book

Fish Hook

I've read the new fish by Deighton.

Boots

Daisy Roots

You can't go out in the rain without your daisies.

Boozer (pub)

Battle Cruiser

I'm going to pop round the battle before I go to the party [Thanks to Peter Cotterell and Robert Manikiam]]

Boss

Joe Goss

Never trust a joe [Joe Goss was a talented boxer - Thanks to Sanor]

Boss

Pitch and Toss

My bloody pitch kept me late again.

Bottle

Aristotle

If you want milk, put the Ari on the doorstep. [Every now and again they throw a curve at you. One person has suggested that, not being familiar with Aristotle, early Cockney's might have assumed the name was Harry Stottle!  Heard from John Mahony who says that when one uses the expression "lose your bottle" it means to lose the contents of your arse, i.e. "he's shit it", but Ken Caleno says it means to lose your courage (from Courage's bottled beer)]

Bra

Tung Chee Hwa

I'm off to buy a tung for the troubles birthday [Admittedly this isn't in common usage - the person who submitted it is an ex-pat living in Hong Kong - I just think it's neat that we Brits will try to bugger up the language of every country we visit! Tung Chee Hwa is the Chief Executive of Hong Kong.]

Braces

Airs and Graces

He's got his new airs on.

Brandy

Fine and Dandy

A small drop of fine would suit me.

Bread

Uncle Fred

Hey, mum. Can I have some Uncle Fred with this?

Breast

East West

‘ave a look at her easts [Thanks to Sanor]

Broke (financial)

Hearts of Oak

I'm skint mate. Bleedin' hearts.

Brother

Manhole Cover

My manhole cover is coming for a visit. [How does manhole cover rhyme with brother you ask? Simple... if you pronounce brother as "bruvver"!]

Brother

One and t'other

'ere's me one and t'other now. [Thanks to Bernie Albert]

Bum

Kingdom Come

He just sat on his kingdom all day [Thanks to Alan Little]

Bunion

Spanish Onion

Oooh – ‘e’s stepped on me Spanish onion [Thanks to Kristin]

Bunk (bed)

Pineapple Chunk

I could use a couple of hours in the pineapple [Thanks to B. Hygate]

Burst (urinate)

Geoff Hurst

I'm dying for a Geoff. [Geoff Hurst's World Cup Final hat-trick v West Germany at Wembley in 1966 and six goals v Sunderland (19.10.68) two years later, have been woven into the fabric of football folklore. Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]

Butter

Stammer and Stutter

Extra stammer for me.

Butter

Talk and Mutter

Would you like some talk on your toast [Thanks to Barry Greenaway]

Cab (taxi)

Sherbet Dab

'e's been on the sherbet for five years (driving a cab). [Thanks to John Butt]

Café (pronounced caff)

Riff Raff

I'm off to the riff raff [Thanks to Mike Leith]

Cake

Sexton Blake

'ow about a nice slice of sexton? [Possible that Sexton Blake was a detective in comic book stories (?) - thanks to Christopher Webb]

Candle

Harry Randall

Look at all the Harry's on his cake.

Cans (headphones)

Desperate Dans

'ere - put your desperates on [Thanks to Chris Hanley]

Car

Jam Jar

Bloody jam is down again.

Car

Kareem Abdul Jabbar

Bloody kareem is down again. [Kareem Abdul Jabbar is a basketball player in the U.S. How he got into rhyming slang I'll never know! Thanks to Richard English]

Cardy (cardigan)

Linda Lusardi

Oh my God – look at that awful Linda he’s wearing [Thanks to Richard Grieve]

Cash

Arthur Ashe

That blokes not short of Arthur [Thanks to Andrew Turner]

Cash

Bangers and Mash

I knew his cheques were dodgy, so I got him to pay me in bangers [Thanks to John Basquill - see also Sausage and Mash]

Cash

Crosby, Stills, Nash

That blokes not short of Crosby [Thanks to Andrew Turner]

Cash

Harry Nash

There’s a discount if you’re paying Harry Nash [Thanks to Phil Woodford – if anyone knows the origin of this I’d appreciate it]

Cash

Sausage and Mash

I haven't got a sausage. [A little bit different, but fairly common in many English-speaking countries - see also bangers and mash].

Cell

Flowery Dell

I've got three more years in this flower.

Chair

Lion's Lair

Have a lion's while you wait.

Chalk

Duke of York

All I got for my birthday is a bit of duke.

Chancer (someone not qualified)

Bengal Lancer

News paper adds would state no bengal lancers when advertising for tradesmen. [Thanks to Ray Davis]

Change

Rifle Range

I haven’t got and rifle for the bus [Thanks to Claire Reed]

Chat

Bowler Hat

Let’s get together for a bowler [Thanks to Simon Bray-Stacey]

Cheek

Hide and Seek

He kissed me on my hide and seek [Thanks to Gillian White]

Cheese

John Cleese

I'm meeting the big John Cleese today at work [Thanks to Mitchell]

Cheese

Stand at Ease

Wouldn't mind a bit of ease. [For whatever reason this one is backwards - the only rule is that there are no rules!].

Cheque

Goose's Neck

He stuck me with a bouncing goose.

Cheque

Gregory Peck

I never 'ad any bread on me, so I 'ad to pay by Gregory. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell] or, [another example from Kevin McKerrell] - I'm going down to the iron to sausage a gregory.

Chest

Bird's Nest

I had to punch him in the bird's nest. [Thanks to Robert Lynch]

Chest

George Best

(In football) Over 'ere son, on me Georgie [Thanks to S. Sexton. George Best is a famous footballer]

Chest

Pants and Vest

This cough is killing me pants and vest 

Child Molester

Charlie Chester

Have you seen how young ‘is bird is?  He’s a right Charlie Chester [Thanks to Tim B]

Chin

Biscuit Tin

He's got a big biscuit [Thanks to Keith Cole]

Chink (Chinese)

Rink-a-dink

We're going to get rinky take-away. [Thanks to Sparky James]

Chink (Chinese)

Tiddley Wink

‘e’s not from around these parts.  I think e’s a tiddley [Thanks to Stewart Stallworthy]

Chips

Jockey Whips

I'll have a large plate of jockey's [Thanks to Paul Aylett]

Chum

Fruit Gum

How yer doing, my old fruit [Thanks to Nick Williams]

Cider

Easy Rider

Pint of Easy Rider please [Thanks to Jo Miller]

Cider

Winona Ryder

Can I get two pints of winona please [Thanks to Tony Whelan]

Cigar

La-di-da

I enjoy a good la-di-da after me meal [Thanks to Sparky James.  Lenny wrote to say that Michael Caine (a somewhat well known Cockney) once asked if he could light up a lardy in his taxi.]

Clanger (mistake)

Coat Hanger

He dropped a coat [Thanks to Neil Devlin. A clanger is when you really put your foot in it.]

Clink (jail)

Kitchen Sink

After that last episode he'll be in the kitchen for a while [Thanks to Wendy Shaw]

Clock

Dickory Dock

What's the time on the dickory? [Paul Millington writes  that cabbies used the expression to refer to the meter [“What’s on the hickory then?)]

Clue

Danny LaRue

He ain't got a danny. [Thanks to Charly Large]

Clue

Scooby-Doo

I haven't got a scooby [Thanks to Jonathan Harris]

Clue

Vindaloo

He hasn’t got a bloody vinda [Thanks to Carla Forbes Pool]

Coat

Nanny Goat

Put your nannies on - it's taters out. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]

Coat

Weasel and Stoat

I left my weasel in the pub. [See also throat]

Cockney Rhyming Slang

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

We're talking about chitty chitty on this web site [Thanks to Hywel Jones]

Coffee

Everton Toffee

I’ll have an everton [Thanks to Andrew Mkandawire]

Cold

Potatoes in the Mould

Blimey – it’s taters out there [Thanks to Sparky James]

Cold

Potatoes in the mould

Cor, taters out there init? [Thanks to Ossie Mair]

Cook

Babbling Brook

My missus couldn't babble to save her life. [See also Crook]

Copper (police)

Grasshopper

He got nabbed by the grasshoppers.

Coppers (police)

Bottles and Stoppers

Blimey - I think the bottles are on to me!

Corner

Johnnie Horner

I'll meet you 'round the Johnnie.

Cough

Boris Karloff

That’s a nasty Boris you’ve got there mate [Thanks to Paul Liney]

Cough

Boris Karloff

That’s a nasty old boris you’ve got there son [Thanks to Paul Liney]

Cough

Darren Gough

This Darren is killing me pants and vest [Darren Gough is one heck of a cricketer.]

Crap

Macca

I'm off for a macca [Mark Crowe admits this ones a bit convoluted but apparently it's common in some areas so I've included it. Comes from Macaroni = pony; Pony & Trap = Crap]

Crap

Pony and Trap

'Ang on, mate. Just gotta 'ave a pony [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]. Or, another usage if something's a bit off (i.e.. not of good quality) - That's a bit pony mate! [Thanks to Jon Hughes]

Crash

Sausage and Mash

He was in a fearsome sausage.

Crime

Lemon Lime

Not one lemon reported all night [Thanks to Alan Little]

Cripple

Raspberry Ripple

The old boy's a raspberry [Thanks to Sparky James]

Crook

Babbling Brook

He's always on the babble. [Meaning he's always planning something crooked. See also Cook].

Cuddle

Mix and Muddle

Come and give us a nice mix and muddle [Thanks to Claire Reed]

Cupboard

Mother Hubbard

There's nothing in the mother.

Curry

Ruby Murray

I'm going for a ruby. [Thanks to Mark Pearson][Ruby Murray was a singer in Glasgow back in the 30's or 40's - thanks to Peter Cotterell for the Ruby Murray info. N. Matthews tells me that Ruby was an Irish singer (1935-1996) popular in the mid to late 1950's.  Got a note from Sandy Everitt who knew Ruby Murray – Ruby was a top recording star in the 1950’s who achieved the rare feat of having five songs in the top 20 at one time.  Ruby died in 1996]

Darlin'

Briney Marlin

You look lovely tonight, me old briney.

Daughter

Bricks and Mortar

I'm taking me bricks and mortar shopping. [Thanks to Geoff and Niki Sams]

Dead

Brown Bread

I'm telling you, mate. He's brown bread [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]

Deaf

Mutt and Jeff

Poor buggers mutt and jeff. [Usually full slang expression is used. Keith Turner reports that very often the expression is shortened to mutton as in "Poor buggers mutton".]

Decks (turntables)

Posh ‘n Becks

Have you got yer posh ‘n becks yet [Thanks to Iain Poulson – see Sex - Posh ‘n Becks]

Dick (penis)

Three Card Trick

She couldn't keep her jazz bands off my three card trick [Thanks to Peter Norman]

Dictionary

Tom, Dick and Harry

I’ll just check the meaning in the tom [Thanks to Leon Walker]

Dinner

Jim Skinner

Is my Jim ready yet?

Dinner

Lilly and Skinner

What’s for lilly and skinner [Thanks to Jud Chimp]

Dinner

Michael Winner

I’m Hank Marvin.  I could use some top Jackie for me Michael Winner.  [Thanks to Simon Rowan.  Michael Winner is the food critic for the Sunday Times]

Doddle (easy or straight forward)

Glenn Hoddle

That jobs a Glen Hoddle. [Glenn Hoddle is the coach of the English football team replacing Terry Venables. Thanks to Dave Brown]

Dog

Cherry Hogg

My bloody cherry is off again.

Dole (welfare)

Ear’ole (Ear Hole)

If I get the tin tack I’m going on the ear’ole [Thanks to Paul Liney]

Dole (welfare)

Nat King Cole

I've got to sign on the old Nat King [Thanks to Hywel Jones. Ray Wells says it's also known as Old King Cole]

Dole (welfare)

Rock and Roll

'e hasn't worked a day in 'is life... 'e's always been on the rock and roll. [Thanks to Mark Moule]

Dole (welfare)

Sausage Roll

He ain't worked in years - he's on the sausage. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]

Dollar

Oxford Scholar

Stupid horse cost me an Oxford. [Pre-war the dollar was worth just less than 5 shillings, so an Oxford is worth 5 shillings or a crown - thanks to Jim Williams]

Door

Henry Moore

They broke the 'enry down at number thirty two [Thanks to Alan Little]

Dope (marijuana)

Bob Hope

I think he’s been smoking a bit of Bob Hope [Thanks to Phil Woodford]

Draft

George Raft

There's a bit of a george in here. [Thanks to Jim Battman]

Drink

Tiddley Wink

Just one more tiddley and I'm off; or, He's popped down to the pub for a tiddle.

Drugs

Persian Rugs

‘ere mate.  Got any Persians? [Thanks to David Rolph]

Drunk

Elephant's Trunk

He shouldn't be driving! He's bloody elephant's.

Dump (shit)

Camel's Hump

Just going for a quick camels [Thanks to Kevin Lowther who tells me this one was used in Abu Dhabi]

Dump (shit)

Donald Trump

I've got to go for a donald [Thanks to Peter Conway]

Dump (shit)

Forrest Gump

"Off out in 10 minutes?" "Yeah, just got to have a Forrest first". [Thanks to Richard English]

Dyke (Lesbian)

Magnus Pike

She looks like a right Magnus [Thanks to Steve Vincent - Magnus Pike was an 'off the wall' TV personality who would (and could) explain complex scientific concepts to kids]

Dyke (lesbian)

Raleigh Bike

She’s a right Raleigh [Thanks to Claire Reed]

Dyke (Lesbian)

Three Wheel Trike

She's a bit of a three wheeler [Thanks to Barry Smith.  Ray Wells has heard the expression rusy bike as well]

Early

Liz Hurley

‘e’s never gotten here liz [Thanks to Paul Woodford

Ears

Ten Speed Gears

Look at the size of 'is ten speeds [Thanks to Billy Wade]

Engineer

Ginger Beer

He knows his stuff. He is a ginger, after all.

Evening Post

Beans on Toast

Go and buy the beans on toast will you son [Thanks to Hefin Gill]

Eyes

Mince Pies

She got beatiful minces.

Fable

Railway Timetable

(After someone tells you a tall tale) What’s he been doin’?  Reading a railway table.  [Might also be substituted with bus timetable – Thanks to Paul Island]

Face

Boat Race

Nice legs, shame about the boat. [Also a good song by The Monks]

Face

Chevy Chase

She's got a lovely Chevy Chase [Thanks to Adrian Calvin and Paul Beer]

Facts

Brass Tacks

'Ere, you've got your brass wrong! [Thanks to Alan Little]

Fag (cigarette)

Cough and Drag

I’m going out for a quick cough and drag [Thanks to Trevor Baker]

Fag (cigarette)

Harry Wragg

Have you got a harry? [Frank Baynham reports that Harry Wragg was a famous jockey]

Fag (cigarette)

Melvynn Bragg

Oi, mate. Can I scrounge a melvynn of you [Thanks to Mark Holmans who reports that Melvynn was a television host]

Fag (cigarette)

Oily Rag

Give us an oily. [Thanks to David Hughes]

Fag (cigarette)

Toe Rag / Tow Rag

Lend us a sprarsy - I wanna get some toe-rags [Thanks to Mike Smith. Mike says he thinks toe-rags refer to the rags people used to wrap around their feet when they didn't have shoes… we used to call our socks toe-rags which is probably the same origin. He also says his old dad used to call some people a toe-rag and suspects it might have been an insult (reference to fag = queer).] [Martin McKerrell adds that toe rag referred to a small time petty thief, in his words "the sort of dirty little toe rag who would live next door and break into your house and nick the Christmas presents".] [Gillian adds "term is commonly used, at least in Scotland, meaning just a bit stronger than "rascal" and probably spelled without the e: 'You little torag.' I always thought it did come from terms used to refer to travelling people."][And Michael Kendix adds:  I heard that "Toe rag" came from "Taureg" a nomadic people living in the Arabian desert, regarded by colonial powers as "low life's".  So, it would be insulting to refer to someone as a "Toe rag", which, as you say, could be used to describe a ne'er do well!  And Paul offers a somewhat disturbing image: In the times of Nelsons navy paper was too expensive to use in the head (toilet) and so sailors would get a short length of rope (toe) and unravel it until it resemble rags (toe-rag), this would then be used instead of paper and had the added benefit that t could be washed and re-used.]

Fake

Sexton Blake

He wears a Cartier but it's a sexton [Thanks to Martyn Tracy. See also 'Sexton Blake-cake']

Fanny

Auntie Annie

She’s just sitting at home on her Auntie Annie [Thanks to “the boys at CHS]

Fanny

Jack and Danny

She's just sitting at home on her Jack and Danny [Thanks to Glenn Collignon]

Farmer (see usage)

Arnold Palmer

'e's a right Arnold [Thanks to Nick Williams. I love this one - it refers to a golfer who spends a lot of time in the long grass around a course]

Farrahs (trousers)

Bow and Arrows

Nice pair of bow and arrows [Use your best Cockney accent here.  The reference is to Farrah slacks – Thanks to Simon Mahon]

Fart

D'Oyly Carte

Have you done a d’oyly? [D’Oyly Carte is a light opera company – thanks to David Poulten]

Fart

Horse and Cart

Have you just horse & carted? [Thanks to Paul Beer]

Fart

Orson (i.e. Horse ‘n Cart)

He’s dropped an orson [Thanks to Paul Gardner]

Fart

Raspberry Tart

He blew a raspberry. [Thanks to Tobias Bard]

Favour

Cheesy Quaver

Do us a cheesy, put it on your web site. [Thanks to Ed Wright]

Feel

Orange Peel

I fancy an orange of her Bristols! [Thanks to Chris Webb)

Feet

Plates of Meat

Get your plates of the table.

Fibs (lies)

Scott Gibbs

He’s been telling scotts again [Scott Gibbs is a rugby star – thanks to Hefin Gill]

Fight

Read and Write

He'd rather read than walk away.

Fine

Calvin Klein

I'm calvin today. [Thanks to Tony Alderton]

Fish

Lilian Gish

Good day at the stream. Got a pair of Lilian's.

Fist

Oliver Twist

Next thing I know he's got his Oliver in my face.

Fiver (£5 note)

Lady Godiva

Ere, that bloke still owes me lady! [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]

Flares (wide bottom trousers)

Lionel Blaire

Got on his best lionels for the evening. [Lionel Blaire is a performer. Thanks to Josh Holmes]

Flash

Lemon Dash

Don’t act so lemon [Thanks to Simon Mahon]

Flash (natty)

Harry Dash

'e was alway a bit of an 'arry [Thanks to Sparky James]

Flowers

April Showers

I forgot it was my anniversary, so I picked some aprils on the way home.

Flying Squad

Sweeney Todd

Here comes the Sweeney [the Flying Squad are the police]

Fork

Duke of York

Keep your fingers out of your grub, man.  Use a duke [Thanks to Sparky James]

Function

Spaghetti Junction

Garage

Steve Claridge

I've just gotta go down the Steve for some petrol [Thanks to Jon Simmons. It helps if you realize that garage, which commonly rhymes with mirage in North America, more usually rhymes with carriage in Britain. A great Tony Hancock piece has him trying to act all condescending and pronouncing it the American way, confusing the ears off a local constable. Steve Claridge is a venerable striker, late of Leicester.]

Gargle (drunk)

Arthur Scargill

'e's right Authur'd [Thanks to John Claffey]

Gay (homosexual)

Bale of Hay

Don't bother Britany - he's bale. [Thanks to Uncle Custard who also provided the example of usage… just who do you suppose Britany is?]

Gay (homosexual)

Doctor Dre

E’s a bit of a doctor [Dr. Dre is a rap artist – Thanks to Will Sowden]

Gay (homosexual)

Finlay Quaye

That boozer is  Finlay ub [Thanks to Stuart Taylor –Finlay Quaye is a musician]

Gay (homosexual)

Ted Ray

He's a bit Ted. [Ted Ray was an actor/comedian in the sixties. This association actually comes from a particularly bad movie "My Wife's Family" where he played a character called Jack Gay. Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]

Geezer

Fridge & Freezer

He’s a right fridge [Thanks to Tomma]

Geezer

Ice Cream Freezer

'e's not a bad old ice cream [Thanks to Vince Scott]

Geezer

Julius Caesar

'ere, look at the 'ampsteads on that Julius [Thanks to Dudley]

Geezer

Lemon Squeezer

I saw that lemon we met in the rub-a-dub last night [Thanks to Mark Foster]

Ghost

Pillar and Post

Looks like he’s seen a pillar [Thanks to Neil Gemmill]

Gin

Mother's Ruin

Another mothers would sit well.

Gin

Needle and Pin

I'll have a small needle and tonic.

Gin

Nose and Chin

I'll have a drop of nose and chin [Thanks to Philip Hart]

Gin

Vera Lynn

I'll have one more Vera before I hit the frog and toad. [Thanks to Mark Hamnett]

Girl

Cadbury Swirl

Come over here, me old Cadbury [Thanks to Jonathan Burroughs]

Girl

Twist and Twirl

She looks like a nice twist [Thanks to Alan Little]

Git (twit)

Strawberry Split

That bloke's a right strawberry [Thanks to Dennis Wise]

Gloves

Turtle Dove's

Where's me turtle dove's [Thanks to John Ioannou]

Go

Scapa Flow

Scapa! [Actually pronounced 'Scarper' - just one example of not being satisfied with the slang, they then mispronounce the word to thoroughly confuse everyone.  Robert Benoist sent me the following which I found interesting:  Scapa Floe was a Royal Naval base established in the 20th Century and famous for the scuttling of the German fleet in 1919 and a subsequent WW11 battle. Before 1919 it is doubtful whether anyone in the country let alone cockneys would have heard of it.

In Mayhew's London Labour and the London Poor (vol 3 1851) there is a chapter on Punch Talk (basically the slang language used by traveling Italian Punch and Judy men and entertainers). This slang contains both English and Italian roots. In Punch Talk "To get away quickly" e.g. from the police or authority is spoken and written as scarper. This comes from the Italian Scappare. Punch talk formed one of the roots of Polari which also incorporated rhyming slang and was used first by the east end street traders, and then the west end street traders, and finally by homosexuals in the 40's and 50's. There are almost as many Polari expressions currently used as there are rhyming slang. It is probable that after 1919 it was imagined that the word had originated in the rhyming slang after Scapa Floe but I think the evidence firmly points to its Italian Origins.]

Gob (mouth)

Gang and Mob

He's got a big gang [Thanks to Dave Connolly]

Good

Robin Hood

That sounds like it's robin [Thanks to Alan Little]

Gossip

Rex Mossop

What's the latest Rex, love? [Thanks to Rebecca Marks who tells me Rex is an Aussie sports commentator]

Grand (1000)

Bag of Sand

He owes me a bag [Thanks to Keith Cole]

Gravy

Army and Navy

Can I have some army for my mashed?

Greek

Bubble and Squeak

'E's not a bad bloke for a bubble. [Bubble and squeak is a uniquely British dish of fried mashed potatoes and something green (usually cabbage, but left over brussel sprouts work well).  Thanks to Mark Pearson]

Guts (stomach)

Newington Butts

Me Newingtons are playing me up. [Thanks to Mark Crowe and Martin McKerrell - Michael Faraday (the magnet fellow) born in Newington Butts, the area of London now known as the Elephant and Castle]

Gutter

Bread and Butter

Found him laying in the bread and butter. [Usually full slang expression is used]

Gym

Fatboy Slim

I’m going down to the fatboy [Fatboy Slim is a recording artist – thanks to Martin Rowe]

Haddock

Fanny Craddock

Fanny and chips for supper? [Thanks to Sparky James]

Hair

Barnet Fair

She must be going out - she's got her Barnet done.

Hair

Biffo the Bear

Me biffo’s not looking the best today [Biffo the Bear was on the cover of Beano from 1948 to 1974.  Thanks to Gillian White]

Hair

Bonney Fair

She's got beautiful shiny bonney.

Half (a pint)

Cow and Calf

I could use a cow and calf [Thanks to Nick Williams. He reports that there's a pub in Grenoside (near Sheffield) called the Cow and Calf]

Hand

St. Martins-Le-Grand

I had it in my St. Martins a minute ago [Thanks to Alan Little]

Hands

German Bands

Get your germans off my missus.

Hands

Jazz Bands

Get yer jazz bands off me [Thanks to Peter Norman]

Hat

Titfer (Tit for Tat)

Lovely titfer. [This one uses the first two words - probably because saying "lovely tit" proved awkward]

Head

Crust of Bread

Use your crust mate.

Head

Loaf of Bread

Don't just stand there - use your loaf.

Head (fellatio)

Blood Red

She likes to give blood. [Thanks to Kirk Whitworth]

Hell

Gypsy Nell

My knee is giving me gyp today. [Thanks to Chris Webb]

Hemorrhoid

Clement Freud

Oooh, me clements! [Thanks to Ian Coppell]

Hemorrhoids

Emma Freuds

Me Emma's are playing me up. [Emma is a BBC DJ on Radio 1 - Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]

Heroin

Vera Lynn

Goodbye Vera Lynn [from Pink Floyd – “Goodbye Vera Lynn

I'm leaving you today" meaning I’m giving up heroin, written at that time for Gilmore.  Thanks to Joe Lovick for the slang and the references]

Hill

Jack and Jill

The store is up the jack. [See also Bill]

Hole

Drum Roll

Let's pop 'round to my drum (referring to someone's house). [Thanks to Dave Hughes]

Home

Pope in Rome

Let's pop 'round his pope and fetch him.

Host

Pillar and Post

Who’s the pillar and post for tonight? [Thanks to Dave]

Hot

Peas in a Pot

Don't touch that - it's bloody peasy.

House

Cat and Mouse

Went 'round to his cat to wake him up.

House

Mickey Mouse

I'm taking my missus to the mickey tonight. [Usually means a theatre rather than a residence]

Howler (mistake)

Robbie Fowler

I made a right Robbie yesterday [Thanks to John Revell – Robbie Fowler  plays for Liverpool]

Hymen

Bill Wyman

Virgin?  Don’t think so mate – not a bill in sight [Thanks to Benjamin Smith.  Bill Wyman is, of course, with the Rolling Stones and Benjamin reports he had a bit of a penchant for the younger cadburys]

Jacket

Tennis Racquet

I bought a new tennis racquet [Thanks to Laura Clifford]

Jail

Bucket and Pail

One drink too many and I get seven days in the bucket.

Jail

Ginger Ale

'e's doing time in the ginger. [Thanks to Wendy Shaw]

Jeans

Runner Beans

How do you like me new runners [Thanks to Darren Foreman]

Jeans

Steve McQueens

Me new steves are a bit tight [Thanks to Mark Holmans]

Jew

Five to Two

If you're a fiver then today's your Sabbath.

Jew

Four by Two

He's not from around here - he's a four.

Jewellery

Tom Foolery

That bloke looks a flash, look at all his tom. [Thank the Peter Cotterell]

Jive

Duck and Dive

She can’t half duck and dive [Thanks to Podster]

Job

Corn on the Cob

'e can't afford it - 'e ain't got a corn [Thanks to Mike Smith]

Job

Dog's Knob

Me new motor is just the dog's knob [Thanks to Nick Williams]

Jock (Scot)

Sweaty Sock

There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a sweaty on a boat... [This term is usually derogatory. Thanks to Dave Brown]

Joke

Rum and Coke

Go on then, tell us another rum and coke [Thanks to Martin Hillier]

Judge

Barnaby Rudge

I'm up in front of the Barnaby tomorrow morning.

Jugs (breasts)

Carpets and Rugs

That girls has a lovely set of carpets [Thanks to Benjamin Smith]

Key

Brenda Lee

Where’s me brenda’s? [Thanks to Nick Webster]

Keys

Bruce Lee’s

Have you seen me brucies? [Thanks to Graham Cooper]

Keys

John Cleese

‘ave you seen me johns [Thanks to Mathew]

Keys

Knobbly Knees

Have you got your knobblies with you? [Thanks to Beeman]

Kidney

Bo Diddley

Me bo’s are giving me gyp [Thanks to Jay]

Kids

Dustbin Lids

A nice girl but too many dustbin's.

Kids

God Forbids

Couldn't hear a thing 'cause of all the Godfor's.

Kids

Saucepan Lids

I'm forever buy clothes for the saucepan lids [Thanks to Peter Cotterell - see also 'Yid']

Kids

Teapot Lids

I'm taking my little teapot to country.

Kids

Tin Lids

I can't put me foot down without stepping on one of the tin lids. [Thanks to Bernie Albert]

Kiss

Heavenly Bliss

C’mon me turtle, give us an ‘eavenly [Thanks to Rebecca Coonan]

Kiss

Hit and Miss

How about a bit of hit and miss [Thanks to Doosh]

Knackered (tired)

Cream Crackered

I'm cream crackered, mate. [Thanks to David Carruthers]

Knackered (tired)

Kerry Packer

I'm right Kerry'd [Thanks to David Bennett - Kerry Packer is an Australian media magnate (and bleeding rich!)]

Knackers (testicles)

Jacobs Crackers

That toe-rag kicked me in the Jacobs [Thanks to Bryan Rayner]

Knees

Biscuits and Cheese

I've been on my biscuits all day.

Knickers

Alan Whickers

The 'lastics gone in me alans. [Alan Whicker used to host a TV programme called Whickers World - Thanks to Peter Cotterell]

Knob (penis)

Uncle Bob

‘e’s a bit proud of his Uncle Bob [Thanks to “the boys at CHS”]

Kraut (German)

Rainbow Trout

Bloody rainbows beat us at football last night! [Thanks to Alex Gordon]

Lager

Forsythe Saga

Mines a forsythe [Thanks to Den Frankham]

Lager

Mick Jagger

How about a couple of Mick Jaggers over here? [Thanks to Colin Reid]

Lark (fun)

Tufnell Park

Always one for a tufnell [Thanks to Michael Mundy]

Late

Cilla Black

You’re a bit Cilla today, mate [Thanks to Justyn Olby who explains that this comes from Cilla Black’s Blind Date TV programme that was popular]

Late

Terry Waite

You’re a bit Terry Waite [Thanks to Paul Woodford]

Later

Baked Potato

I'll see ya baked. [Thanks to Eric Van Zanten]

Later

Christian Slater

See you Christian Slater [Thanks to Kris Grissom]

Laugh

Bubble Bath

You're 'avin a bubble aren't ya? [Thanks to Neil Churchard]

Laugh

Cows Calf

Your having a cows calf, ain't you [Thanks to Graham Todd]

Laugh

Giraffe

You're havin' a giraffe, mate. [Thanks to Ed Balch]

Laugh

Steffi Graf

You're having a Steffi [Thanks to Peter Grewal]

Laugh

Turkish Bath

He's havin' a turkish. [Thanks to Chris Baylis]

Laugh

Wally's Scarf

He's having a wally [Thanks to Keith Cole]

Legs

Bacon and Eggs

Lovely set of bacons [James Robinson notes that this can be Ham & Eggs as well].